Sunday, December 31, 2006

This Guy Needs a Hobby--

Little Miss,
(blah blah blah)...our bylaws are intended to protect the safety of the community, as well as the appearance of the community. In the meantime, you need to arrange to park 1 vehicle in the garage.

We expect all members of the community to cooperate, willingly
- please be advised that you have received proper notification - and, you are expected to comply
- thank you, in advance, for your cooperation -
Mr. Retired, President

* I would like to take this opportunity to raise my middle finger and say HAPPY NEW YEAR!! (as we are not planning to "arrange" a single thing!)

Friday, December 29, 2006

This one's called...Stick It To The Man!

Ok, so I know I have no right to come back to my blog after being MIA for a couple of weeks, but I simply have not had ANY time to myself. I don't even have time to IM my best friends! (THAT'S bad!) In fact, I'm sure you cyberspace friends are all I got left...sigh. Between my brother in-law, my sister in-law, my husband's parents...OH AND MY MOM (more about that later), I haven't had the computer to myself for longer than two minutes at a time!

Anyway, I have a ton to blog about, but why do that when I can complain?! I am soooo pissed off at the President of our homeowner's association (who also happens to be my 80 year old next door neighbor)...That I simply MUST share the e-mail exchange, and add more should he dare to reply.

Mr. Retired wrote:
Little Miss – need to call your attention to Association’s interpretation for street parking – namely, homeowners have been requested to avoid parking on the street, especially overnight and for protracted periods of time – members are requested to park at least 1 car in the garage – to avoid a poor appearance for the neighborhood if, too many cars are parked in the driveway and/or, outside the garage – please consider this notification and, correct situation at your convenience – thank you, Mr. Retired, President.

Little Miss wrote:
Hi Mr. Retired, We have no room in our garage, hence my sister in-law will continue to park on the street until she leaves on Monday. Also, I do not feel it is "poor appearance" during the holidays when several families are getting together to celebrate Christmas. My Aunt and her family will be here tomorrow through Sunday as well, so there will be an additional car at my residence. Just giving you a heads up.
Thanks for the notice.Sincerely,Little Miss

*now, the rest of you know what a bitch I can turn into with the flip of a switch, so if he finds his decrepit balls and decides to come after'll be all over (minus the soft hum of his oxygen machine running in the background).

Thursday, December 14, 2006

What to Call it?

While my sister in-law was here for the week, she noticed some rather interesting things about my munchkins...things they do or say when I'm not around.

Here's what topped the list:

(besides Tiny's new fascination with "boops"--not to be confused with the "boops" that were formerly known as "boots"--we are now talking about real boobs, and she cleverly points out who has boobs and who does not, often in public,

Anyway, while Tiny and Sweetie were in the bathtub, my sister in-law came downstairs to ask what our "policy was on um, nudity...body parts, you know? Va-jayjays?"

( b l a n k s t a r e )

She said they were splashing water onto each other's "front bums". Yes. That's right. Apparently they're naynays are called front bums, although they do realize Budd-uh has a penis. Later I discussed "modesty" with Sweetie (the five year old) and was talking about her vagina when she asked, "what's a vagina?"

(again with the blank stare)

Can someone please quote Kindergarten Cop here?--because that's all that keeps running through my head! That and the fact that I can never teach anyone about the birds and the bees because I can't even teach my own daughter that she has a vah-china!

So, I guess that's it.
Girls have a front bum and boys have a penis.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Why I Love My Dad!

1) He's always giving me new ideas on how to handle the kids!

2) He's always giving me new gift ideas for my husband!

3) He provides me with GREAT blogging material!!

Thursday, December 07, 2006

This Is SO Wrong it's HILARIOUS

It's late, and I'm not in the mood to post my story about condoms. (sorry Ms. Jae and Erika--it'll just have to wait.)

I did however come across this story and GIGGLE myself into hysteria.

1) I can only imagine the embarrassment.
2) Farting makes me laugh, especially when it's at someone else's expense.
3) Even this tops MY most humiliating moment EVER!

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Anyone have an extra sledgehammer?

Yes, I am in need of a SLEDGEHAMMER, thank you very much. Apparently, having excruciating cramps every month is NOT enough for the angry gods of cynicism. So on top of trying to keep my ass from falling out and maintaining my iron count, I am once again experiencing a migraine from hell. Wonder how I'm writing this post?? I am 100% doped up.

Man I love that Peter Gabriel. Too bad music codes suck ass, or I'd play the song. Just for you. I don't want to be the only one singing it in my Ambien-induced sleep.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Wow, 4 Whole Days? Impressive.

Ok, so the truth? I haven't been "not posting"--I've actually just been extremely busy, and I KNEW that if I sat down to the computer even for a second, my work would NEVER get done. First, I cleaned the house. Not a big deal to some, but for me? a huge feat! Next I unpacked and organized the crap room (aka my craft room). I bought shelves and storage boxes for ALL.MY.STUFF. And then we got rid of the ugly swan and flower looking chandelier. Next up? Painting! Lots of painting.

Goodbye ugly green walls. Goodbye flower wallpaper.
Goodbye pink walls. (and ugly green carpet? and ugly pink wallpapered kitchen and bathroom? You're next!)

*I think the "before" and "after" pictures are pretty obvious, so I'm not going to explain any further.

(And mostly because my kids have been spoiled over the past 4 days of my recoup from nablopomoshmo that they are currently threatening to end each other's lives over an orange crayon and a plastic horse. Seems perfectly logical to me, but I better intervene.)

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Leftovers NaBloPoMo-style

Here are a few posts that were um, leftover--ones that simply didn't make the cut.

*enjoy because I'm taking the next month off. Completely!

Probably not.
I may have a problem.

I may need a 12 step program to get me through the withdrawls of noblomoshit...

We're All Girls Here!

the 5 yr. old found an insert to my bikini top and proceeded to explain to Tiny that "those are boobs". They both lift up their shirt and discover NOTHING. Then the 5 yr. old proceeds to explain, "we don't have boobs. Only mommies have boobs that HANG DOWN." (emphasis added)

hang down? HANG DOWN??? that's it, forget paying off the credit card debt--I'm gettin' a boob job! TOMORROW!!


Mental Note About Making Christmas Cards:
(spare the husband all the details!)

"honey, if you ask me one more opinion about paper--or ribbons--or--Christmas cards in general...I'll be gay! Please! MAKE.IT.STOP."


Hours of Fun, but Damn the Copyright!

I got this website from Vegas Princess, and I've found yet another way to ignore my need for sleep and engage in online entertainment!

Follow the link to turn yourself into a Southpark character. SO.MUCH.FUN. It's like playing dolls when you were little--you know the cardboard dolls with the paper clothes and tabs?

Only much, MUCH better!! (kinda makes the make believe cussing-like-a sailor paper doll more realistic, don't you think?!)


I Love Google!! --all roads lead to happiness or the Little Miss (either way, really)

"Today's Inspirational Thought"

"Erika for Busted Tees"

"Ok to Pee in the Pool"


Gee...Why the Hell NOT?!

Safety and Security: For the safety of our guests, everyone must go through the security checkpoints before entering the aquarium. Security teams will oversee the bag checkpoints before entering the aquarium. Security teams will oversee the bag check procedure. Coat and bag checks are available. First aid is available courtesy of _____ Hospital, located on the first floor. No guns, knives, lighters, matches or fishing poles are permitted inside aquarium.

*you know they had to add "no fishing poles" to the list because a) some dipshit tried it or b) some dilbert in management decided to get a laugh.


What a FUN Memory!!

Ms. Jae sent this link to me, called Crocodile Hunter has met his match!! (vs. Ross the Intern of course!)

It's a fun way to remember Steve, and it provides a few minutes of pure entertainment!!(something that Steve truly cherished!)

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Most Humiliating Moment Ever??*

So I was walking out of Kmart w/ the Bud-uh boy, so excited about finding a pretend "ChickstheHicks" car, (btw if anyone knows where to find a real one, let me know before Christmas!!), and we we headed straight to our van. It's the red one with a scratch on the side. whooper isn't unlocking the doors, that's weird. I'll get closer. Still, nothing. I try the sliding door. Won't open. Hmm, maybe I have to stick my key in the door and unlock it the old fashioned way. Won't go in. WTF??

GASP! Who is sitting in the front seat of my van?? And where are my carseats? Those aren't my carseats--

Auuuuhhhh! My van is the next row over...(people inside just glaring at me now) "I'm so sorry! My van is over there -----> (laughing hysterically now because I don't know what else to do--plus I have to YELL to be heard through their tinted windows )--"Auugghh, I am SO, SO SORRY!!" (humiliated and walking away with my head hung in shame)

All the while, Kmart employees are gathering carts in the parking lot, others walking to their cars...ALL witnesses to to the most humiliating moment of my life!*

*ok, so surely there are other times, but this tops the list for now.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Bachelor HAS to STOP.

I get sucked in every season, I love the drama...I love the weekly snippets of love and hate building into a massive polygamy festival on national television...

but at the end of the season--that last episode is simply too much. It really makes me think reality shows have gone too far. (well, that and the whole Swan thing, but at least no one was getting hurt--except for the surgeries, broken bones, and facial reconstructions---but I digress).

What I meant to say is that these poor girls literally get their hearts broken, not to mention that it's on NATIONAL television! I know they "signed up for it"--but it's the devil in disguise.

(in my best commercial voice) Come to the show, take a 1 in 25 (possibly 27) chance of getting "picked", um...that is if you --(and only YOU) -- can make this polygamist* fall in love with you in a fairytale setting within six weeks.

I didn't like seeing the girl get hurt. I cried. I thought the ending was stupid. And I'm sure I'll tune in Spring 2007 to watch the next season.

*if you don't like the term "polygamist" then insert the word "adulterer", because that's what he is! Forming these intimate relationships with several different women at the same time...leading them ALL to believe they are the one -- (and only ONE) -- for him.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Screamin' Demon

The Tiny one. I feel so bad for her. Double ear infections and then today? vomiting and fever that Tylenol won't subdue. I feel bad...but she is currently locked in her room "screaming it out by herself" (and by locked, I mean the door is almost all the way shut).

She has been a little terror today. She's usually destructive and getting into something she shouldn't (plotting to take over the world and whatnot), but generally speaking, she's a pretty happy little munchkin. Today she is screaming like that fugly little girl in the Exorcist; hitting me, pushing me, kicking, and lots of yelling. (lots and lots of yelling!)

Apparently when demons get sick, they get angry. VERY, VERY angry and extremely pissed off.

*she is currently banging her bed against the wall, screaming her voice into oblivion, and biting the headboard. Yes, I said biting.

UPDATE: 15 minutes later

I thought she was either unconcious or dead...(hoping for the first, praying against the second) Only to find


Sunday, November 26, 2006

Love Hate Relationship

Photoshop. Love it. Hate it. Do I REALLY need something else to waste away my nights? My thoughts? My frustrations? Blogger is enough to deal with, and I love my blog. And yet, sometimes I HATE it.

So SOMEONE sent me photoshop for my birthday (love you!!) and I have struggled with it ever since. Now that's it's nearly December, it's time to get working on my Chrismas cards. I have been working on our fall pictures, trying to get everything just right...hours and HOURS later, it's finally perfected. I get them printed, and whatdoyaknow?! It gets cut off! Our names at the bottom get cut off. And there's nothin' I can do about it!

Love. Hate. Relationship. *

*I am happy to report that it's all good now...hours and hours later---it's MUY perfecto!

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Saturday is a special day, It's the day we get ready for Suuuunday!

Sorry, a little primary action for ya! Anyway, we had a fun Saturday. We all played in the leaves, ran around the block with our neighborhood friends (kids tagged along too, what can you do?), took nearly 100 pictures (and if you know me, then you KNOW that I am NOT exaggerating)...I admit, I am the self-proclaimed camera whore, but guess what? You ALL come crying to me when you need stick it. That's right, where the sun don't shine--

(unless of course you are BFB, but that's a bribe-induced post for another day!)

The Tiny one is still sick, the dog still has horrible gas, and I simply cannot eat another plate of Thanksgiving Day dinner! So would you PLEASE come get these leftovers? Cuz I'm dyin' over here. Thankyouverymuch.

Friday, November 24, 2006

The Morning After...

A couple of things, really.

First of all, our entire house still smells like Turkey. The scent is embedded within the walls! Yesterday it was great. Today? It's simply nauseating. And can someone please tell me why the DayafterThanksgivingDay gas is the WORST? Seriously, that ABSOLUTE WORST. And get this--I'm not even talking about ME! To say the least, our house reeks!

Secondly, I am not the kind of person to wake up early on a day like this to catch the BIG "sales" or whatever. You won't find me standing outside the Mervin's windows saying "open, open, open" with my cold hands opening and closing like some twisted Night of the Living Dead remake. I didn't even want to get out of the house today except it's like having two Saturdays in a row. No work, no school, no church, just an extra Saturday. So we took advantage of that fact and headed to Target, Home Depot, and Best Buy.

*let me remind you, this had absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact it was the "Biggest Shopping Day" of the was merely a three day weekend with my husband (an added bonus!).

So, as it turns out, this truly was the craziest shopping day of the year. Shelves were empty, mad rushes throughout every store, flustered employees who had no idea where to find their own asses...and the digital camcorder and the external hard drive we needed so desperately were "all sold out, no rainchecks". DAMMIT. Who the hell sells out of these items by 10 a.m.? Seriously??!!

I was pissed and decided not to be defeated. I dropped the fam off at home, grabbed the oldest munchkin, and hauled ass all over this damn town to get what I wanted. I am happy to report that though an (affordable) external hardrive was no where to be found, I did grab the last digital camcorder and managed to fit our kitchen bay windows with beautiful curtains.

The day has been a success...but I am sending out buyer's remorse vibes to all those Night of the Living Dead folks who only come out of the woodworks once a year just to make life miserable for everyday shoppers, myself included.

*damn, where's the sinister vibe key? it must be around here somewhere...

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Thankful For...

Since no one is going to be reading this weekend because they all have family and friends who love them and want to spend the holidays with them*...I'm writing a post just for MYSELF. Wow, what a concept.

Seeing as how I am 28 years old (at least I think I am--I can never keep track)--I am going to write a memory from every year of my life--turned timeline, but whatever.

i've decided to forego the timeline idea because it's just too complicated. Instead here is a run-on paragraph that summarizes my life:

1978- being born into an LDS family, the blue kitchen set I played with in Tooele, moving to Oklahoma, attending Mother's Day Out at the Methodist church, crashing my motorcycle into a tree and getting a three wheeler, the first year of "real" school, Miss McQuistion and counting with red plastic dots, Miss Brawly's mock wedding put on by yours truly, Ms. Sternbergers' punishment for the entire class because we got kicked out of the library, Ms. Murdock and glass bowls she put over her boobs and made me swear NEVER to share that story. Ha ha., My first "boyfriend", typical check yes or no proposal, and spending the entire summer with my dad, sixth grade, Ms. Miller scared me and some Lopez chick was mean to me, seventh grade and hanging out with "the group" (whatever), cheerleading memories...sigh, adoption of Mickey, my dad's puppy, back surgery HELL, living in Norman, Oklahoma--great memories!!, moving to Utah and hating Northridge, 1st true boyfriend (aka captain of the hockey team--swoon!), graduating early and living in the dorms at Weber State, my best friend, Jenny Lou, first show of U2's Pop Tour in Las Vegas, getting married, settling in Iowa and attending nursing school, all the special dates w/ my husband sans kids, and losing Gabbie, birth of Sweetie and graduation from University of Iowa, my best friend, Jessie Lynn, birth of Bud-uh, birth of Tiny (holy shit!) and move to our first REAL house in Baton Rouge, my "favorite" friend, Erika, husband's new job, and my mom coming home from Australia!-2006

*even though we have no friends or family to share this holiday weekend, I must admit that I am thrilled just to have my husband home from work, the kids home from school, and the time we get to spend as a family 24-7 for the next four days.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Sooo Inappropriate on a Three Year Old Level

While dancing through the kitchen in socks on hardwood floors, listening to Jack Johnson's Curious George soundtrack:

(kids all laughing at mommy)

Budd-uh: "(giggle) hey mommy! I like yure bu-utt!"
me: ???
Budd-uh: "yeah, das what I'm talkin' 'bout! (giggle)"
NOW. Where the hell is my phone?!!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Alright, GENIUSES!

Look what happened when I instituted
"QUIET TIME" with the kids:

the arrows are pointing to the book, the Belle dressup, and the blanket under which all of her toys are hidden, the Cinderella doll--all things I gave to her to "play quietly"...NOW SHE'S CRASHED ON THE FLOOR.
(yes, that little head poking out is Tiny)

*This is supposed to be a no napping zone, so wth??

Monday, November 20, 2006

Welcome to my world of Pissdom!

So the Tiny one isn't sleeping anymore. She's just NOT TIRED at night. She's always ready to crash at naptime; however the "solution"? (according to everyone else, including the husband who leaves every morning before the kids get up and returns home just in time to A)eat dinner and head up the night time routine or B) just kiss 'em good night).

The HORRIBLE solution is NO MORE NAPS.
Nope. No More. Never Again.

Naptime? Gone.

An hour of peace and quiet for a mother constantly on the brink of an emotional breakdown? History.

An hour or two of rest for a mother who's only chance to get things done is late at night when everyone else is asleep? Nada.

I was aware this time would come e-v-e-n-t-u-a-l-l-y. But my youngest is only 2, and my oldest didn't stop taking naps until she was 5!! We have been taking naps EVERY.DAY for the past 5 years! I am the naptime Nazi (according to BFB), and our whole world revolves around that regimen! I just don't know how I'm going to cope.

Even the dog is annoyed at the munchkins running around like out of control monkeys just freed from an inner-city zoo, tired, hungry, and hyper as hell. (They better not fling any poo or I'll be SO **%$#@@!! and then I'll send 'em back to their cages for lockdown!)

And so it is written. So let it be done. NO.MORE.NAPS!!

Sunday, November 19, 2006

My Own Paparazzi

Seems like I have a following. Apparently there ARE people who care what time I poop the dog or check the mail. Hmph. Who knew?

Cameron Diaz, eat your heart out!!!

*ok, so maybe it was my husband hanging out in the bushes or holding up a camera above the mound of stuffed animals in the bay window trying to capture the shot of his wife "actually going outside to walk the dog looking like that?!!"

But whatever! I prefer to believe that I am indeed the shiznit!!

Saturday, November 18, 2006

No Posting Today, No Reading, No Commenting

I felt the need to post a tribute to a woman I never met and to her doting, faithful, ever loving husband. His story has touched so many lives. SO.MANY.LIVES.

Many of you have been keeping up with AtomicTumor's blog for the past few weeks...
I have been reading faithfully since BFB sent me the link. His sweet wife passed away on Friday, and they set up a memorial fund in her name. They have two children, and at that age of 27 AT is now a widower and single parent.

From AT:

I say “bring it on”. I told her that I’d find her after I pass, and that my soul would entwine with hers, like it had during life, for all time. I look forward to that, but I look forward to the rest of my life.

We’ll Be OK. There is Nothing To Fear, and Nothing To Doubt. She can go on, she can be at peace, and we’ll remember her, love her, honor her.

I told her I needed her, and contradicted myself by telling her to go and be at peace. I then admitted my contradiction, and, just to be clear, told her to go ahead and be at peace. I told her that I await the time that I am called, after however many days I have left, and will be with her.

Thats a relief. I think God listened that first day, when I begged that there be a God, and that he allow my wife’s sweet soul into his kingdom, because I have to see her again. I have to be with her again. I have to feel that presence again.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Despartly Seeking an Interview with Kim Jong Il

I can't fight it any more. My Tiny is turning out to be the world's smallest terrorist, one crayon at a time! Last night, my husband found her downstairs watching cartoons at 4 a.m.

Just now I told her to come upstairs...
"to go to my ballet?!"
"No, because I miss you."
"no mommy, I don't like you!"

I walk downstairs and find stickers all over the floor, the toys, the walls, the mirror...she's taking over the house! Currently she is dictating the Polly Pockets, telling them who is Ariel, who is Flounder, stripping them naked, making them dive into the swimming pool (tupperware) you get the idea.

She's taking over the world. And if I don't put a stop to this soon, we're all going to be at the wrong end of her permanent marker. Clearly I haven't interviewed enough generals, enough dictators, enough psychotic mother****s to figure out how to raise a Tiny. I need to get inside her head.

So could someone please help me?!!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

A Little Change can Change A LOT!

*I received this e-mail and really wanted to pass it on. Thanks for not rolling your eyes at me!


The March of Dimes is going back to its roots by collecting coins, and we need your help. As someone who cares about making a real difference for babies, please Join the March of Dimes - How Many Babies Will You Save? coin collection campaign.

By collecting change from your home, office and cars, you can turn your small change into big change for babies. The March of Dimes estimates that literally billions in change is sitting in American homes. Babies need all the change you can spare.

Through a partnership with Coinstar, you can simply take your change to a local Coinstar Center, press donate to the March of Dimes option on the machine, and pour in your change. Or, if you're not near a Coinstar Center, you can take the change to your March of Dimes chapter.

For more information about the program as well as locations of Coinstar Centers, go to Coin collection kits are also available. You can use these to get your family and friends to participate. Order your kits today!

There is no better time to collect coins than in November during National Prematurity Awareness Month! It's a month when caring people all over the United States show their support for the March of Dimes and our work to help every baby get off to a healthy start.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Grocery Lists

Why is it that two things you NEVER think of while at the grocery store is Ketchup and toilet paper? It gets overlooked every time, and no one notices until the hotdogs are bare naked or the Kleenex box that sits ontop of the commode is suddenly empty (your last resort)--and you make a mental note to get these items next time you're at the store.

Well guess what? It doesn't matter because you'll forget again!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Raising Awareness!

November is Prematurity Awareness Month.
Raise Awareness. Get Involved.

Anyone who knows me knows THIS
is where my passion lies.

Mothers and infants. Pregnancy and motherhood.
Be healthy. Stay healthy.

Monday, November 13, 2006

My $32.08 Mistake

I had good intentions...really, I did. We invited the missionaries over for dinner.

I began cooking around 4:00 p.m.
Something began to burn around 4:10 p.m.
Toxic fumes began to gather in the back of my throat around 4:12 p.m.
and the whole house was airing out by 4:15 p.m.

Good to Know (just between you and I), burning garlic will choke the life out of you and your children! And then you'll have to spend $32.08 on Papa John's Pizza (delivery of course!) to cover the "homemade dinner" you've so carefully prepared for the missionaries.


Sunday, November 12, 2006


I procrastinate A LOT of things.

Like getting ready in the mornings. Not only do I have to get myself ready but my children as well (triple whammy sp?) Then I get nasty notes sent home from school informing me that my child has been late to class. Um, no shit Sherlock!--I'm the one who dropped her off!!--Duhuh?! (And these are the people in charge of my child's education?! Sheeez.)

I procrastinate watching my t.v. shows. Now that my computer records my favorite shows, I'm no longer on a schedule to keep up with them. Currently I am about two weeks behind so don't breath a word about Grey's, Desperate Housewives, Heroes, The Nine, Six Degrees, Dancing With the Stars, or Brothers and Sisters. (Can you tell I'm all about the drama?!!)

I procrastinate sleeping. Hell, I've got all night to clean, plan for tomorrow, eat chocolate, jump online and finally enjoy some peace and quiet, so why go to bed now?? The party's just beginning!! Woot. (btw, that's my latest steal. so many of you use Woot and I'm finding myself loving the woot. I'm all about the woot.)

I procrastinate responding to e-mails. I do flag them for follow up, but I currently have hundreds of messages in my inbox. But hey, at least I read them!

I procrastinate cleaning. You should have seen my house just hours before BFB got here. And now that she's'll remain in constant disarray until we have another visitor. That's just the way the goldfish crumbles around here. Deal with it or move on.

I procrastinate blogging. It's true. Here it is, late Sunday night, and I have yet to post for Nablogpomo or whateverthehellyoucallit. I figure I've got all day. Oh wait, all day is just about over. Guess I better get that cram post in before midnight!

Now if you'll excuse me, my work here is finished. I've published my post, and I'm going to get caught up on a couple of my favorite shows while eating birthday cake and drinking Coke Zero. WOOT!

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Good to Know #1 (yes, I said #1)

If you take the carseats out and place one on top of the other 69 style (or ying yang, or whatever) and place them in the garage so you can fold down the seats in the van to make room for your new daybed and mattress, be sure Scooby Doo is not sandwiched between the two carseats, making it impossible to see him!!

Also, if you are having sympathy pains for a little boy that has lost his Scooby D0o, do not stuff your son's precious bear into an odd pocket of a backpack and forget that it's there. You will have me interrogating my two year old, turning the house upside down, stopping at two different Kohl's on the way home searching for a replacement, turning the house upside down again, interrogating the damn dog, and finally discovering said bear in the aforementioned backpack.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Scooby Dooby Doo--WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!

Seriously. Scooby Doo has been missing for exactly 3.2 hours, and my son is distraught. Not as in the "I am sad, ho hum" type of distress, but as in HOLY MOTHER OF **I NEED MY SCOOB OR I'M GONNA CRAWL INTO A HOLE AND DIE A HORRIBLE AND MOST PAINFUL DEATH type of distress.

Scooby is not small, in fact, he's over half the size of Bud-uh. So where is he hiding? I have turned this place upside down to no avail. I have looked under beds, in closets, through laundry, in the dryer, in the pantry (hey, I do have TINY after all), I have looked in the van, under the seats, under the couch, in the bathtub, BEHIND the washer and dryer (hey, you never know), I have looked outside, I have looked in the garage, I have looked EVERYWHERE! And yet, there is no Scoob.

Just to make it perfectly clear, I would give my left nut to find this damn thing. In fact, I'm off to search pages and pages of eBay for a new Scooby Doo (and it will probably cost me my left nut to do so, but as previously stated--I'm ok with that.)

The victim was last seen with these two brutes in Buh-uh's bed around 9:00 p.m. at the Little Miss household on the night of November 9, 2006. If you have any information regarding these individuals, please contact the proper authorities immediately. Reward being offered and apparently one left nut.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Important Issues?

While each state was voting on major issues such as Abortion, Stem Cell Research, the Voting Privileges of Convicts, Same Sex Marriage Laws, and Immunity for Judges...

we were voting on wildlife and fisheries restrictions and added tax increase on liscence plates "for the ultimate use of agencies". WTF? These are NOT the issues I researched when pledging my vote.

But whatever. Use my vote wisely, Dems.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Naughty Girl

I need to start my own blog for Tiny, the two-going-on-fifteen-year-old. I have WAY TOO MUCH blogging material to keep her all to myself. She's such a little troublemaker, and yet she's so damn cute that I can't fire her.

So until her own blog is set up, a story a week will have to do (and that should get us through the next two years!) Today's story is entitled:

Permanent Markers Should Be Locked Up with the Meds and the Makeup and the Perfume and the Tampons and the Halloween Candy and the Toilet Paper and the Crayons and the Wallets and the Shoes and the DVDs and the Q-tips and the Stickers...

I cannot leave this child alone for 10 minutes! I just don't get it. See for yourself.

The cupboard with the little stickers on them? Yeah, they say "Families Can Be Together Forever". And that's just great because now even God is laughing at me.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

This May Bore You...

For those who are not country music fans, come back for a new post tomorrow.

But for those who are--CARRIE UNDERWOOD is my Cinderella story. I just love her as much as my daughter loves that favorite princess of hers. Perhaps it's because I'm from a small town in Oklahoma just like Ms. Underwood, perhaps it's because she became my favorite contestant on Season 4 of American Idol for that very reason--or perhaps it's just because she has amazing talent and has come so far in such a short amount of time.

Female Vocalist of the Year!
Winner of the Horizon Award!

I am so proud to say my little munchkins know the words to her song, Before He Cheats. (sorry hubby, I know how incredibly disappointed you are!) We listened to her CD MANY times during the course of our summer travels, and my kids get so excited when they hear her music on the radio!

Congrats, Carrie!! I just love you! You're simply A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

*disclaimer: I haven't always been a faithful country music fan, and some of the bands I still can't swallow. however, those who were up for awards last night...I can't help it. I totally dig their music!

Monday, November 06, 2006

The Beginning or The End?

The past few days, I've had a headache slowly creeping its way into my head. By Saturday, it was turning into a full blown migraine. When I finally got home from running my errands, I could no longer keep my eyes open, everything was blurry, the back of my head was burning, and I was becoming nauseous.

Anyone remember the Great Migraine of 2006? Anyone? Anyone?
(click here to refresh your memory). Given my previous experience, I began to panic. I tried to remain calm, but the anxiety of having the family curse fall upon me really freaked me out. My parents are amazing. They have suffered from migraines for as long as I can remember. The difference between us (correct grammar? oh well) is that I cannot handle it. They continued to work, take care of kids, and ultimately carry out the functions of daily living. I am not one of those people. I C.A.N.N.O.T do it.

After much prayer, my husband finally put me to bed with some Valium (which I then threw up 30 minutes later), and he came back with an Ambien. Before long, I was asleep and fighting off the migraine with sweet dreams.

My husband is the greatest. He took such great care of me. And today? I just have a dull hangover. He made me stay in bed most of the day, and I'm SO HAPPY to say I've dodged the bullet this time. No seriously. DODGED.THE.BULLET.

Sunday, November 05, 2006


Not bad after a 26 hour trip home from Australia, eh?! Isn't she simply amazing?!!

That's right. My MAMA has made it back to the States. I can't wait to see her next month! Whoo hoo! I've missed that woman SO MUCH.

p.s. Thanks Just Me for going to the airport in my place. YOU ROCK.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

I can now entertain myself for hours on end!!

(thanks postsecret!)

Once in a while you just gotta pop some bubbles!!


Friday, November 03, 2006

Say What?

In honor of my PMS, I share the following with you:

Under warnings you will find the following statements:

1."can increase the risk of prostate cancer or difficulty in urination due to enlargement of the prostate gland..."

2."may cause excitability in children..."

3."do not give to children under the age of 3 years..."

*take away from this what you will. but as I understand it, I should be careful when handing out my menstrual pain relief pills to my husband or my son.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Good To Know #362

If you dink around with your links and try to put the NaBloPoMo pic on your sidebar, you will end up with a blog like MINE.

nothing is arranged the way I want it, the fonts are funky, my letters are huge, the colors are off, and I still don't have the NaBloPoMo button on my sidebar!!

The really bad thing?? I don't even know how the hell it happened.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


Or whateverthehellyouwannacallit! I woke up with cramps radiating down my legs. DOWN MY LEGS! No wonder I have been an uncontrollable bitch lately. My uterus was about to fall out!!

And if we're "done having kids", then why the hell must I be cursed with such excrutiating pain and mood swings every month until I'm 60? WHY?

So this post just seems so appropriate for the beginning of NaBloPoMo

add to that Mother-----oh, no wait,
I've decided to stop swearing.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Halloween Stinks?

Does Halloween candy give anyone else gas,
or is it just me?

No? No one else? Hmmm.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

good moms have bad days

good moms, bad days and other stories

Yesterday was a bad day. We were running late for school, my Kindergartner was fighting me the whole way, the three year old was screaming at me, and the two year old refused to get dressed. I was frantic. I finally got to school and my oldest smashed her two fingers in the seat belt and said, "owe shit!".

Great. Now I have a little girl that swears.

I took the others to a doctor's appointment that was full of tears and fighting, got lost on the way home, missed nap time, got the 5 year old home from school...only to find a note from the principal that she had 3 absences and 5 tardies.

I received this LECTURE of a paper about how this affects my child's education and continuing on this path will ultimately lead to a life of crime. (no, I'm NOT kidding.) To top it off, I'm supposed to sign and date this paper and return it to the principal. It's manipulative and I'm impulsive. Mix that with my short temper...and things are likely to get ugly. So what do I do? If I talk to the school, I will probably make a fool of myself because I am so angry and frustrated. If I sign the paper, I'm only giving in to their little system that I'm hating right now. If I don't sign the paper, I've heard rumors that eventually they'll send a social worker out to the house. That's ALL I NEED!

Can you imagine?? It's like fighting a police officer over a speeding ticket that's under 5 mph over the limit. Arguing with him will only piss him off, he'll feel disrespected--and we all know what happens then! You just can't win!

I need to let it go. I'm just praying that the school won't approach me over this matter; otherwise, I'm afraid I'll tell them EXACTLY what I think.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Today's Inspirational Thought

Brought to you by none other than Willydo (my dad):

Some people are like slinkies...
Not really good for anything......
But they still bring a smile to your face
when you push them down a flight of stairs.

Do you see why I LOVE my dad??
If not, please refer to this (click here)
or perhaps this (click here).

Speaking of which...Guess who was here??

Nana and Papa came to visit us for the weekend. We went to the pumpkin patch, listened to Bud-duh sing Scooby Doo for 35.minutes.straight, performed plastic surgery on pumpkins, took turns swearing as we installed our new kitchen light (THANKS DADDY!!), changed the language on the GPS system to Espanol and British English, ate Brazilian cuisine, and laughed our asses off as a comedian made fun of the male (and female) intelect-or lack(s) thereof.