We went to a little consignment boutique (that's what they're calling them now, it somehow lessons the blow that you're going to purchase other people's used crap). And after browsing for a few minutes, I realized that I had to use the restroom.
I hate that feeling. I've heard it said before, and I'll say it again, it's that "gotta find a quick escape route for when I shit my pants" feeling. Ummm... yeah, so I asked the clerk if I could use her restroom. She said, "oh sure, honey, go right ahead. Only Baskin Robins next door flooded because of the storm, and now we can't shut the door. But it's off to the side, and I won't let anybody go back there. Go ahead, darlin'."
Uhhh, excuse me? Did you not just smell that nasty fog emanating from the other end of the store? (You know the one? The kind that initiates the "abort! abort!" alarms in your head?!) This is NOT one of those times where I can just "leave the door open." But now it's too late, she knows I have to use the restroom, and if I say no, she'll know why. And if I graciously accept her offer, then she'll definitely know why! What do I do?!
Well, my twisted guts didn't leave me much choice, I practically ran for the porcelain throne! I tried to close the door as best I could, turned the water on for extra noise...and just PRAYED that the sweet southern lady was too busy helping customers to notice anything ...um, er...unusual?
Do you think she'd notice if I flushed twice?
Needless to say, I tried to play it off as casually as possible. Taking extra time to buy a few more things and doing whatever I could to keep her away from the back! (it was like on Friday, when the dad says, "whooeee! don't nobody go in there for thirty five/forty five minutes!")...not to mention the added stress of distracting my friend so she had NO IDEA what had just happened!
another side note: for those of you who don't know me, I'm like "shit break" on American Pie. Remember, the guy who had to leave school and go home to use the bathroom because he feared doing something awful in public? I have no problems exerting bodily functions when I'm home...I just shouldn't go anywhere without Immodium A.D.
I pray they get that damn door fixed soon.