Monday, February 27, 2006

Up Late

why is it that when i can't sleep, i jump online...and after an hour or two, nothing's changed. do i honestly think someone's going to send me an email at 2 o'clock in the morning? do i honestly think there are other sorry asses out there blogging at this hour?!

so why then do i get disappointed when i check my email for the sixth time in one hour and receive no new messages? and why is it that i get disappointed when nobody new has added a post to their blog or made any new comments? it's ridiculous! i mean, after all...i have given you an entire HOUR to create something new.

you people suck.

*UPDATE: i finally turned off the computer and crawled into my bed. to my surprise, this is what i found!

i had to take a picture. they are like mirror images of each other!!

(sorry honey, you know my obsession with kodak moments! and don't act so shocked, you knew this when you married me!) i love you!!

Saturday, February 25, 2006


Dear Little Miss,

Stay calm. You don't know who I am, and don't try to find me. I have your Coke Zero and Tiny's sweater. If you ever want to see them again, place 10 Diet Dr. Peppers in unmarked bottles and 10 bags of Yorks, (in unmarked bags too, of course) in the trash can at the end of my driveway. Do not call the cops. If you follow my instructions, you will see your Coke Zero again. If not . . . ?

The Burgerler

P.S. Hurry, I'm drinking your Coke Zero RIGHT NOW.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Is This Really What I Want?

Ramones lyrics
Album: Road to Ruin [1978]
I Wanna Be Sedated

Twenty - twenty - twenty four hours to go. I wanna be sedated. Nothing to do. Nowhere to go. I wanna be sedated. Just get me to the airport. And put me on a plane. Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane. I can't control my fingers. I can't control my brain. Oh no oh ho!

Now that we're all on the same page, (and you better be singing this song with me RIGHT NOW or I'm cutting you all off, every last one of you!) Apparently, I can be a bit irritable. I tried to play it off as having three kids under the age of 5, I tried to play it off as suffering from PMS, I even tried to play it off as me just being a natural born bitch.

No such luck. I need to take something each day to "take the edge off." I believe most people call that a drug problem, but my doctor calls it "medication management." If I become addicted to this drug because of my new therapist, I'm suing her for damages. Seriously! This drug is in the same classification as Valium. HELLO?! I admit that I can be a bit irritable, but I can also admit that I am a woman. Is this REALLY a problem? I guess we shall see. 24 hours to go, and then I'll be sedated.

...Singing my song and pretending to be high. Anyone want to join in?? I think it may be one hell of a ride.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

My Kids Are The Cutest! (sorry I could NOT resist!)

I have these pictures from last weekend. My husband had taken the kids to the park while I was at work (making me a bit jealous, but happy for him nonetheless).

The kids had a great time, and I have some great pictures to prove it! (Even though your kids may be as cute as mine...this is MY blog, and there are NONE cuter!)

Let it therefore be written, so says the Little Miss.
; )

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Self Esteem Boost # 8

You know it's bad (or extremely good, depending on how you look at it) when you hear the garbage truck coming down the street, realize your PILE is still under the carport, so you throw on a terry cloth bathrobe, (hair and makeup still leftover from the day before), and haul ass to the curb...

meanwhile the garbage men are bewildered yet friendly, and one guy says, "don't hurt your feet," (looking down I realize I'm not wearing any shoes, big surprise), and then he asks, "you live here with your husband?" Um, yeah, he's just at work today and we forgot to take out the garbage. "oh, (disappointed), Ok then, have a good day." and they drive off into the sunrise, headed for the great landfill beyond.

I'll take any boost to my self esteem that I can get!
; )

Sunday, February 19, 2006

So the other night...

I had some awful (REALLY AWFUL) gas. I was on my way out the door, and I heard my husband walk into the bathroom and say, "Sweetie! (to the four year old) Did you forget to flush?!" And I just rolled on the floor!! I was laughing so hard I may have wet my pants. Okay, well I probably peed a little bit and had to change my underwear. But the greatest part was I farted in the bedroom, in the BACK of the house...and somehow, my husband thought it was the bathroom that got all funked up. And better yet--that it was my daughter who did it!!

FYI: I have been a SAHM since my oldest was born, and I'm slowly getting my foot back in the door. Today marks the end of my first work week since becoming a mom. I have put in over 40 hours with all of the training and shifts I've covered. Once I am proficient in my responsibilities, things will slow down a bit, and I'll be down to less than 20 hours a week. Until then, I remain the lab's bitch. I miss you all, and will chat with you soon!

p.s. two words my spell check had to learn today: farted and funked

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Workin' 9 to 5

C'mon, you can't just read the title and keep have to sing it! All together now!

"Working nine to five
what a way to make living
Barely getting by
it's all taking and no giving.
They just use your mind
and they never give you credit
It's enough to drive you crazy
if you let it..."

I started a new job on Monday. (Hence the lack of bloggership on my part--my deepest and most sincere apologies!) I work for the lab in a local hospital. Yes, I am the one who comes in the ass crack of dawn to draw your blood, and run the lab tests. You can call me a phlebotomist, vampire, blood sucker...but please, do not call me $&@!*? #*%$&#! Remember, it is YOUR doctor who has ordered the tests; I'm just doing what I am told.

I don't really work nine to five, but I was trying to get the song stuck in your head. Did it work?! I have been doing the morning shifts (4a.m. to 12:30p.m.), but I'll start nights this weekend.

More about this later. Apparently, there are people (ah hem) tapping their fingers until I get this posted!

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Killing Me Softly

Grey's Anatomy is killing me! Every episode simply puts me through the ringer (irony click here) . This has GOT to stop!

pink mist
oxygen lines
new baby
loss of life
sex in a broom closet
i love you
bomb squad
"O'Malley! stop lookin' at my vanaynay!"
anxiety attack
an empty board
"do you want to talk about it or do you literally want to take off your pants?!"

OH MY GOSH! I cannot take THAT much intensity packed into one hour. For those of you who did not see it, (or those of you who really want to make my day on Valentines), buy the first season on DVD--and the soundtrack, don't forget the soundtrack!

*now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go cry myself to sleep.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Clears My Head

I've discovered a, talent? Thanks, JM!

When I'm having a serious conversation over the phone, I simply MUST walk around the house. And if that doesn't give me the clarity I need, then I find myself standing on a chair, or the couch, or even the table. It helps, until I realize...I am standing on a piece of furniture!

oh guess what??? i laughed so hard tonight!
i was talking on the phone w/ Barefoot, and realized i was standing on the table...
then my husband looked at me like what in the hell??
that's freakin' awesome! I always stand on chairs when I talk to people, usually on one foot
i was explaining to her that I always stand on furniture when I'm on the phone, but my husband interrupted to say HE DOES THAT TOO!!! i was freaking out!!! the only other person i know of who does that--is you!
your husband stands on tables? and you didn't even know?
apparently! and we've been married for going on...eight years now!
then i left b/c the kids were being too loud, and went into my room
guess where i found myself?
on the bed
standing on my bed! i seriously busted a gut
that is too freakin' funny!

*is the weird part of this story that I didn't know my husband stands on furniture? or is it that I stand on furniture, and he didn't know it? or is that we simply STAND ON FURNITURE?!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Holy Rainman, Batman!

The Facts:

My daughter went to bed at 7:45 last night.

My husband when in to check on her at 10:45 p.m.

He walked in to find Sweetie in her bed reading a book (in the dark-- yes, ruining her eyesight-- I know), and she had all the books off the bookshelf and carefully placed into a collage on the floor.

My first thought? That's right, HOLY RAINMAN !

I guess I shouldn't complain...I ended up with some really sweet pictures. And it was one of those tender moments when your child asks, "mommy, why are you taking so many pictures?" and you get to say, "because I love you so much that I want to capture every single moment of your life!"

*I know the pictures are blurry, but I didn't want to turn on the flash and ruin the moment

Monday, February 06, 2006

Something to be Tagged by...

So, Wendi tagged me a while back, and I'm just now getting around to it. I decided to add a few things first, entitled THINGS I HATE (the two are NOT related, so no worries) :

Things I hate!

1. raw meat. I HATE raw meat! I don't like it bleeding and juicing all over the countertops, i don't like it gushing on my plate. two words: well done.
2. clothes that are dry clean only. (then what's the point of having a washer and dryer?)
3. dishes that are not dishwasher safe. (I hate to do dishes. In fact, I'll spend an extra 15 minutes trying to get that last pan to fit in the dishwasher just so I don't have to wash it by hand.)
4. movies that are depressing (and leave you with a feeling of wanting to jump off a bridge or rip off your fingernails one by one just to be able to feel again.)
5. spilled milk. (I hate milk in general, the kids hide their sippy cups, it gets sour, it curdles! And YES, I cry over spilled milk--so don't do it!)

Now, onto my tagged post:

something awkward: when you have to funk up the bathroom at someone else's house.

something risky: farting in an elevator and hoping no one is waiting when the doors open.

something funny: I still laugh at my farts.

something embarrassing: having really stinky gas and being the only one standing in the bread isle at the grocery store when someone you know walks by and wants to chat...

something I don't understand: why some gas has to stink really, REALLY bad...and in the same night, it's like a breath of fresh air. (Oh, that and how is it that people can stand their "own brand" but no one else's? I just don't get it.)

something I'm worried about: that when we die, potty humor will no longer be funny.

Friday, February 03, 2006

What's for Dinner?

a conversation earlier tonight:

Me: "Teriyaki rice and quesadillas??" ((offering him a plate))

My husband: Oh sure! Teriyaki rice and quesadillas go together just, well, just like...teriyaki rice and quesadillas!

hope your dinner was better than ours!

p.s. The E-bay auction has ended. Please congratulate Barefoot on her winning bid!!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

E-Bay Auction

Damn Dog
starting bid: $1
Will ship worldwide.
Comes with kennel, chewed up toys, dirty blankets, and food

Time Left: 36 hours
No Reserve!
Item Description:
51 lb. spayed female, like new condition, less than two years old, short hair, hound mix with a shake of pitt bull, beautiful markings!

Special Features:
very tolerant of children, never bites
takes YOU for a walk on her leash.
occasionally chews things up
occasionally leaves a letter under the door and runs away
occasionally gets caught humping male dogs from behind
loves to sleep on your bed, more specifically on your pillow

Favorite pastime:
running out and digging in the mud after you just paid $25 for the spa treatment at the local groomer's salon, then pees on the floor when she gets in trouble as you're trying to carry her sorry ass to her kennel so she doesn't track mud all over your freshly mopped floors.

*edit: blankets in the picture are NOT for sale! the blankets that come with damn dog are chewed up, dirty, and covered in dog hair. sorry for any misrepresentation, but my son would self-destruct without his "bank-el-ets."