Get with the times, or GET AWAY from the times?

Social networking has hit an all time high with the rising popularity of Facebook. [sounds like a CNN lead-in, right?] Well I tripped over my pajama bottoms and fell deep into the FB abyss months ago ((ok, ok-- years ago)) and have never really come out, except maybe a time or two to rival the curiosity I had been fighting.

It's true, FB became my "new blog" over the past couple of years. I started with a few friends, a few acquaintances. The numbers rose, I felt quite popular, and it wasn't long before I accepted "friends" that I had never met before. Now as a blogger, I was used to this. It didn't bother me that I had a wall full of people that knew nothing about me other than what I slapped in that 240 character space I called my own.

However the more people I accepted as "friends," the more conservative I found myself. And I did not like it! The more I relied on FB, the less I cared about my blog. I began to miss my freedom of expression. I missed venting without offending my family or the people I knew, or family who knew the people I knew but didn't know me or see me on a regular basis. (Not that my blog wasn't offensive in some ways...certainly it was!) But I was thinking last night, "I can be offensive if I wanna be because, well, it's my own personal corner of the world wide web and I'm not forcing anyone to read what I have to say. Besides, it's not like blogger has a graffiti wall or something!"

And that's when it hit me.

My Facebook page has become a grafitti wall!

It all makes perfect sense now. Because I am part of this FB network, I am subjecting all of my "friends" to the links I have posted and the words I have written. I can virtual slap someone across the face, I can virtual hug someone who is sad, and I can get into a virtual argument with the people I consider to be my "friends". The downfall? It's all public. [And my friends are your friends and your friends have friends that are friends with my friends and then they want to be friends with me so they can express their unwarranted opinions which offend my friends and suddenly we're all defriending each other and starting over.]

I think it's time for me to nurture my creativity once again (read: vent and bitch and gripe and moan without fear of repercussion). I have joined NaBloPoMo for this year in an attempt to keep my spirits motivated and my head clear. Wish me luck!

Interesting

I have no idea where my love of blogging has gone...probably down the drain along with some of those "priceless" friendships. I'm sitting here in the loft of my (new) old house wondering how in the HELL I ended up here?? I hesitate to look through my blogroll because it stirs up old memories, some good and some bad, but ALWAYS some regret. I don't like that I've lost touch with old acquaintances, HATE it that I've lost touch with old friends. My blog has become a graveyard and I think I need a fresh start. My life has changed. My friends have changed. My "need" for blogging has evolved into something completely different. I haven't fully decided if I want to delete this blog altogether and start a new one somewhere else? [Because, truthfully, it is still MY history--still very much a part of ME. So why would I want to throw it all away?] Then again, it's not me...not any more. And I deserve a breath of fresh air, not one filled with regret and constant reminders of past failures. [And sometimes, it just feels GOOD to take out the trash, ya know??]

If you want to find me- email me littlemissblogspot at yahoo dot com

If you have sent messages to littlemissblogspot (at yahoo) in the past and never heard back, I'm sorry. It's so filled with SPAM that I couldn't possibly pull my head out of my ass to sift through it all. My inbox will be deleted (another fresh start), and the new one will be listed soon.

That is all for now. Best wishes. Namaste. Alvederzane. (and all that flowery jazz).
Maybe I'll stick around. Maybe not.

Discovery and Healing

Anyone who knows me knows how much I HATED high school. I could jump on my soapbox in a heartbeat and rant about how girls can be so mean and boys can be so cruel.

I could tell you how often I was teased about being scrawny, tall, awkward, and flat chested. I could tell you I was the brunt of a lot of jokes but how I laughed them off as though they didn't bother me. I could tell you how my friends used me because I had a car-- how they would invite me to parties JUST because they needed a ride (and even though I knew it somewhere in the back of my head, I still wanted to believe they actually WANTED me there). I could tell you how I lost the one true friend I had in high school because I was always trying too hard to be the aforementioned friend to a group of girls who could care less rather I suffered or not, so long as I was there when they needed me. I could tell you about how desperately I wish I could have that friendship back but pride got in the way until 6 years later, when I finally apologized--but of course it was too late. I could tell you about the girls who hated me and made my life a living hell. I could also tell you my experience in middle school wasn't too far off either.

So for me to actually log onto Facebook and see names and faces of people from my past-- it was surprising to find that I wasn't hurt or angry or even remotely upset. Could this be how I really felt? As I started to look up the names and faces of those I remembered, I began to realize my life was never as bad as I once thought it was. I had so much anger built up (actually "bitterness" is a better description). I harbored so much bitterness and resentment toward those horrible experiences that I let it overshadow my memories of the good times for the past 13-14 years.

And now, over the past 5 short days my history has been rewritten in a much more positive light. I have reconnected with friends from elementary school, college, and even a few from high school. And.I.am.so.happy! I wish I could explain just how cathartic and healing this has been for me...but I can't find the words to do it justice.

All I can say is that this week has truly given me a new perspective on how I view my past. I have some great memories. I have some great friends. And I just might let my girls grow up and attend high school after all.

July 10th is a great BIRTH DAY

Just Me changed her password sometime over the past six months...

so I was unable to hack into her blog! Why would she do that?

She's in labor right now. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. It looks like c-section might be next on the agenda for her little man.

I love you JM and can't wait to meet that baby boy!! xxoo

***Update***

baby was born this morning! C-section. I'll write more when I have more details. for now I'm just throwing myself a pity party that I don't get to be there...

I NEED...I NEED...

FIRST THOUGHT:

OK, I am codependent. I have issues. Though I am trying to define that line between wants and needs, I still like to spend money on clothes and makeup, and I'm always in the market for a new purse or bag. ALWAYS! I think sometimes shopping can be a need (like retail therapy after a particularly depressing day) and other times it's just a want (like going to the store and buying something just to make a purchase, not really caring about what I get). And it's hard to set a budget for those situations because if I have it, I'll spend it. If I spend it, I'll end up needing it later. If I don't spend it and I get another allowance, then it will be burning a hole in my pocket and I'll have to blow it at Target just because I can.
bottom line: no budget. no judging.

SECOND THOUGHT:

There is something however that I always NEED--and that is my friends. I NEED them. When life gets hectic and busy and my friends get neglected...my life seems off course. I like to know what's going on, I like to chat, I like to read their blogs and get e-mails and text messages. I like the feeling of knowing someone else cares about what goes on in my life. I need YOU.
bottom line: stay in touch. i'll try harder too.

Now just imagine: Wants and Needs together!!! Anyone wanna go shopping?! ; )
and yes, the title was a plug for High School Musical 2: I need FABULOUS!!

Do you know How LUCKY I AM?~ let me just tell you.

Honestly. This is going to sound soo cheesy, but I'm the luckiest person in the world (or the most blessed, or the most pittied) either way...you ought to be jealous.

Seriously. I have the greatest friends a girl could EVER have. I don't have to worry about letting them get too close...because I won't be judged. I don't have to worry about losing their trust...because they've got mine. My friends (and you know DAMN WELL who you are!!) make my world complete. I can e-mail you simply to say my mom's "best friend" is a horrible human being, sign off with ON THAT NOTE, I love you! and not worry about what I just wrote. I can call you simply to ask you to jump online and look up a phone number for me because I'm driving around town, and though you are 2,000 miles away--you still do it. And I don't have to feel guilty that that was the extent of our conversation. I can call and leave you a voicemail to let you know I miss you and ramble on about some insignificant details of my day...and not worry that you are going to think I just wasted three minutes of your time talking about scrubbing the toilets and walking to the mailbox in 107 degree heat because it's hotter than HELL down here...

and for those of you who can read this post and not judge me for being a total spaz are right up there with the best of them! I love my girlfriends.

YOU MAKE ME HAPPY.

don't read this--

RECAP at Loralee's!!

She did such a fabulous job posting about our weekend getaway...wait, it was only one night-- and a Tuesday night at that! Oh well. It was fun. Wish you all could have been there. I'll post my set of pics as soon as I can get them off my memory card--

As I tried to fall asleep last night, I had images of GREAT blog posts dancing in my head--only I was too damn tired to remember any of them the morning after. So there you go.

Off to Looney Tunes, my friends! MWAH.

p.s. don't forget to check out the sideblog-- the funniest ringtone EVAh.

Ring, ring ring!! LMAOOOO!!

I MIGHT have (possibly) peed my pants. MAYBE. just a little.

MOVING day at Princess Reva's might have been quite eventful. I probably went to her house to help unpack and break down boxes to declutter the kitchen. I bet I even stacked the boxes into one big pile, waiting to be taken downstairs for the garbage man. I probably then TRIED to step over the pile, failing miserably, and I just might have slipped and lost my balance in three different directions as the piles of boxes slid on top of one another until finally the bottom box was sent flying across the hardwood floor, landing me FLAT on my ASS.

And I might have (possibly) peed my pants. And if I didn't pee my pants on the way down, then I probably did it in between fits of laughter and tears. And if I didn't pee my pants because of the laughter or the pain, then I probably peed them a little when Princess Reva's baby SCREAMED at me as I rolled around in hysterical fits of laughter and well...pure CRAZINESS, scaring the living bejeebers out of her!

*Princess Reva might have thought I was kidding about NOT stepping on those boxes...and she just might have found herself FLAT on her back within minutes. She MIGHT have peed her pants too. I'm just sayin...

That's IT--I'm putting it out there.

On IM the other night, Say Cheese and I were talking about how we never get to actually talk any more. It's been months since we've had an actual conversation (sans the internet) because life is so hectic. Phone conversations just don't occur amidst screaming children, chaotic family dramas, interruptions for scheduling conflicts or service announcements from our husbands, church callings, and 10 million other responsibilities we take on as women every.single.day.

hence ONE OF US might have said the following:
one day we will be able to call each other up just to talk about the huge [dump] we took the day before...but until then, this will have to do.

*So here's my renewed commitment: i promise to write about all the [shit] that goes on around here and archive it for my posterity for your lurking pleasure, skid marks included-
(free of charge, of course)