Sunday, June 26, 2005

Riding Along in my Automobile

Being the kind, loving mother that I am (ah, hem)...I judge my kids' activities by the "stitches factor." That many stitches a particular activity is likely to incur. Some mothers ilicit the "scream factor," and I will soon be implementing this measure into my parenting skills as well. Though I've never been nominated for mother of the year, I certainly do my best to make sure my kids are still alive at the end of the day.

Usually we sport the minivan, but we needed to rent a car for our little vacation. And now my poor daughter has been inflicted with the pain of sharing the backseat with her two siblings. Needless to say, the stitches and scream factors have increased significantly over the past couple of days. My kids have learned that not only can THEY reach each other (and inflict pain and torture), but I CAN REACH THEM...causing an automatic flinch response in each one of my children's behavior the instant I remove my hand from the steering wheel.

I am not proud of my actions, but I do look forward to the day I can reclaim my position as captain of the minivan-mom-mobile! (Hence, taking that extra precaution necessary to make sure my children are alive at the end of the day!)


D............I...................A...........L....................U..............P !

Ok, I'll admit it...I am a high-speed internet junkie! The reason I haven't made a post in four days? (see above!)

It's torture! I'm so sick of spending my time watching the msn flag waving in the upper right-hand corner for minutes on end! I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE! I have stuff to do, people to meet, stories to read, and messages to write! I simply must implore my brother to fork over the extra $40/month for cable internet access. That's not being too selfish, is it?

Friday, June 24, 2005

Who Said Porn Wasn't Addicting?

Yes, this is my second post today. Do you want to know why? BECAUSE I AM BORED! I should be sleeping...but no! Do you want to know why? BECAUSE I'M ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET! I talked to my friends throughout the day, and when they asked, "so what are you doing right now?" What was my response? "What do you think?!"

When someone says they're addicted to the internet, you automatically think "sinner!" or "pornographer!" But I can assure you, I only allow wholesome websites to come across my screen. (That is unless you come across Dooce, but then again, we all need a little irreverence in our lives!) It's just that I usually sleep when my kids are sleeping, but lately, I've been enjoying my new soap operas unfolding online so much that I'd rather be reading than napping! What has become of my life?! I never thought I'd give up sleeping!

I want to send a shout out to DD, Heather B, Luckeelizard, Mr. Deblog, Bigelow, Erika, Molly/Peter/Joseph/Stephen, and Becky! You guys rock!

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Land of the LDS

The munchkins and I are enjoying our vacation in Mormonville. It's nice to be back around "my people", really young families with more than two kids...ahh, yes, this IS the place!

And then I read "Call 1-800" ...and think, ahh, yes, this REALLY IS the place! What culture, what spark, what level of sobriety!

And then I go to the mall, see all the moms with the "flat mormon butt syndrome" know the kind??--had six kids, let myself go, now all I wear is warmup pants and jeans with a drawstring--well, just as I was having those thoughts, I saw my reflection in the window, and realized that I was wearing drawstring denim capris, and it hit me! OMG, I too am suffering from flat mormon butt syndrome! Noooooooooo! unfortunately, yes, this IS the place.

(so I rushed right out and bought myself a new pair of GAP jeans, just to prove that my butt could look better!)

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

It's Just PMS

I am so relieved!

To my utter suprise, I surfed the crimson wave this morning. As anyone with three children in under four years would understand, I have been either pregnant or nursing for the past four this comes as quite a welcomed surprise. Let me explain.

My children have been so completely rotten lately that I've needed anger management courses, though it's too expensive so I had to find other ways to vent my frustrations (like jumping online to escape the reality of screaming babies), and I felt like THAT wasn't working so perhaps I needed to be on some type of medication, Prozac maybe, or perhaps I needed more sleep, or I wasn't eating right, or my children are sick and just can't tell me that their ears ache, or maybe they REALLY are the spawn of the devil. I just didn't know!

So this morning when I realized that I started my period...oh happy day! It was all just PMS!

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Late Night Romp

As I'm sitting here, thinking about what to baby shuffles past then plops down on her blanket. (She's tired.) It's not as if I wonder why either. Instead of spending the night canoodling (is that a word?) with my husband, we had a 20 lb. monkey romping in our bed around 3 a.m.

It started out as a way to comfort a screaming baby...I put her in bed with us... she falls asleep... we enjoy having her warmth so close to us... and then we all fall back asleep and live happily ever after! Right?

Well, about 20 minutes later, (just enough time for us to almost fall back asleep), she decides it's time to romp! She bounces and cruises back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Meanwhile, my husband and I are both pretending to be asleep (so that the other one has to take care of the baby), and after an HOUR of our bed getting more action than it has seen in the past month... she's finally BACK in her bed, fast asleep.

(My husband told me that the next time he wakes up to the headboard banging the wall, the baby better be NO WHERE around. So, if you'll excuse me, I have some "canoodling" to do!)

Friday, June 17, 2005

My Munchkins

I wanted to post a few pictures, and this is the only way I know how. (Feel free to educate me further on the whole website thing!)

"Sweetie", age 4.
"Bud-uh and Sweetie" , ages 2 and 4 respectively.
"Tiny" , age 1.

(yes, those ARE their nicknames! I'm not THAT cruel!)

oh, and then there's my dog, Damn Dog. (she and my tiny are the babies in this household!)

I'd write more, but I have my little boy shoving "How to Catch a Heffalump" in my face, and saying, "i wanna up please!" So I must go and pretend like I'M the mom.

My Fortune Cookie

So we went out to dinner last night, my friends and I. We went to a Chinese restaurant, and I saved my fortune cookie until now. I'm going to open sec!

It says, "May life throw you a pleasant curve." Lucky numbers 2, 12, 22, 32, 42, 45

Hmmmm, where do I go with that? Well, seems like 2 is the common denominator in all of them, except the last one. We ARE flying out for a family reunion on the 22nd, and returning on the that's a good sign. But this whole pleasant curve thing is a bit ridiculous! Is there such thing as "a pleasant curve"? I suppose if you read it the way kids do...add the tag line, "in bed", then it seems pretty nice. Mmmmmm, yes, very nice.

But I wanted something more, something deeply moving. I don't mean to sound like one of the desperate housewives, but at least give me something to work with! C'mon! The only other way for me to escape reality is to play online during my kids' naptimes! much for holding my hopes out for a telling fortune, I just thought what better way to find out than with a cookie?!

oh well.

Thursday, June 16, 2005


After a little help from my friend, (and thank you for welcoming me back to the dark side), I have finally figured out how this whole blogging thing works. Unfortunately, the added knowledge has only fueled my addiction. I have found yet another way to avoid my children and completely waste my time! What else can I say? I'm addicted.

side note: to those who want to waste even more time, read virus-laden poo!
(I laughed out loud, and that's all that counts!)

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

I have to get out!

There are some days where I feel like I am going to go insane unless I get out of this house! I suppose it's my own fault if I don't...Seeing as how I'm the only adult! Well, there's my husband, but he drives himself to work every day...then I'm left here with two bipeds, one almost biped, and one quadraped. (that is, two toddlers, one baby, and one dog!) So if I want to get out of the house, then it's up to me to make it happen.

Some days, that's just too much effort!

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Obedience Training

Tonight started the first of several obedience classes for my dog. I quickly learned that our instructor was training THE HUMANS, as the dogs would just fall into the appropriate behavior given the proper stimulus. So as I stood there, chopped up hot dogs in one hand, a leash in the dog scoping out the boxer's package next to her...I thought, what in the world have I gotten MYSELF into?? Not only have I spent the money to take this course, I have committed to my husband that I would take care of this dog and teach her to "be good." So every day, I go out and scoop the poop because I am a responsible dog owner!!--(that's for all the selfish people in the world who allow their dogs to search and destroy perfectly good grass in front of our house without consideration or responsibility!!) As I was saying, every day, I scoop the poop, I feed and water my dog, I reinforce good behavior, and now I have committed to these damn obedience classes that has given ME more work to do, not my dog! Isn't there some pill I give her? Or some magic spell to put on my dog so that my good work thus far would be rewarded and not require more hard work? No, I guess not. Because if there was...I'd be giving it to my kids!!


This is my third attempt at blogging. The first two were removed because of some "annonymous" comments posted that made me change everything. I suppose voyeurism is really what these blogging websites are all about. You start to wonder about others' lives and soon you become hooked on reading others' posts. Some are funny, some are upsetting, and some are just plain strange. I want to write. I want to be free to express myself. I want to continue reading blogs that make me laugh. And I want to believe that people are honest and decent human beings. Please don't prove me wrong.