Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Back Off. (just a little rant, don't mind me)

word to the wise:
Continuing to do the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity!!

I love my family. And I will defend them. I've discovered that even when stupid choices are made, I will stick by my family no matter what. And I will defend them as a mama bear defends her cubs. End of story.

In other words, you mess with the bull and you get the horns. This much I promise you.

Monday, February 26, 2007

8, count them, there are 8

We are in the midst of potty training the two little munchkins. Tiny is down to about 1-2 accidents every few days, but the boy has had some difficulty. We finally put him in big boy underwear (again) to give that a try (again)...and guess what?! It's working! He is becoming a self-sufficient peepeeinginthepotty little boy. He filled his potty chart on Saturday, which meant he got a dollar and a special date with mom to the Dollar Store.

Now, I knew this day would come; the day when my little boy would decide he liked--no let me rephrase that-- that he loved snakes, something that makes my heart race and anxiety creep up my crooked spine (yes, I have a crooked spine, that's not a pun). I just thought I could avoid it a bit longer. Did you know that you can get 12 of those little plastic pieces for $1?! (sorry, I hate even spelling the word, it FREAKS me out). But the boy went potty; he filled up his chart; what was I supposed to do?

My husband thinks it's hilarious; the same man who lovingly covered up the pictures of snakes in my biology book with duct tape just so I wouldn't freak out when I flipped through the reptiles chapter. And now he is laughing at the anxiety our little boy has caused me. In fact, later that night I stepped on a rubber band and it scared me so bad that I jumped on his back, crying and shaking.
My nerves are SHOT.

Which brings me to the title of this post. We started with 12, one is MIA, three ended up in the garbage (because they looked too real), and the remaining 8 go everywhere with Bud-duh. As long as I can account for all 8, I think I can survive this.

However, if you hear the story of a mother of three dropping dead of a heart attack at the age of 28, you'll know it's because I found one of them under my bed or behind the couch.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

I LOVE Thursdays!

It's a good day. Today makes me happy. Here are the top ten reasons:

10. Clorox wipes and a can of Lysol! makes my life a heckofalot easier! (especially when trying to potty train a little boy who can't control his stream)
9. zippered pillow cases! (now my kids can puke and pee all they want!)
8. my clean dog--she was bathed and groomed yesterday; OH I just love her!
7. warmer weather! my neighbors were playing outside yesterday, before long three other families were joining in the fun--I sent the girl outside to play, then when my husband got home I asked if I could go play with my friends too?!! It was AWESOME, and today is supposed to be another gorgeous day; we all have plans to "meet in the street" and play again today!--oh, and the kids can come too, if they want.
6. Reconnecting with an old friend! I haven't talked to Jill in YEARS, then the other day I noticed a profile pic on blogger that looked like her--I was totally shocked to learn it was the girl I grew up with in Oklahoma!! We have been e-mailing ever since, and I so look forward to our "little chats".
5. my new broom! (anyone who know me knows that I love to sweep.) Target just came out with a new broom and standing dustpan that attaches--I can sweep better than any wicked witch. --sorry, I was thinking of a comment my mother made about me needing a new broom to fly away.
4. our washing machine is fixed! for 5 days now I have been doing a load of wash, mopping up the water that leaked all over, then throwing those towels in the wash--rinse, cycle, and repeat.
3. my new bed skirt! (we never got a bed skirt with our new bed set; now it's complete! And I love it!)
2. garbage day--there is something so incredibly satisfying about seeing your mound of trash, broken toys, old closet doors, cardboard boxes, and ugly pink balloon curtains simply disappear.
1. Grey's Anatomy!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Bellsouth SUCKS old and shriveled dirty, sweaty balls!

I am not kidding. Sorry but they are money whores. I didn't realize that a past due balance of $7.56 would get my service disconnected (and that I couldn't simply add it to my bill that's due on March 1st). Now I get to pay a $3.95 service fee and a $20 reconnection fee, plus my OUTSTANDING unpaid past due balance of a whopping $7.56!

Bellsouth, I hope you burn in hell one day for all the misery you cause your customers.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Battle Sites and an All Out WAR

I guess you could say my bathroom hiatus was not due to food poisoning (see previous post). It was, in fact, caused by a stomach virus. How do I know? Gee, why don't you ask my husband? Or my oldest daughter? And while you're at it, pray to the good Lord above that the younger ones won't have to answer that question!!

It has been World War III around here. The husband has been quarantined to our room, losing his own battles. And while I take care of Sweetie, all night long*, my stomach threatens to oblige. The poor little girl is such a trooper when it comes to being sick. She never complains, just surrenders herself to the illness and allows it to take hold without ever once flinching. (And it's heartbreaking for me to watch; besides, I am the world's biggest baby when it comes to throwing up--with three pregnancies, there are plenty who will back me up on this one!)

I must say...having the family sick causes me to go on a cleaning/sterilizing/disinfecting rampage, my skin is cracked and dry from all the scrubbing and chemicals and laundry, BUT my house is clean...which is such a nice feeling, especially in the midst of the arching puke battle sites left on the bathroom walls and the splattered toilet bowls...

*why must these things always happen at night? it's bad enough that our freedom from the bathroom is being taken away, but to hijack our sleep as well is simply below the belt--

UPDATE-- Tuesday morning

I didn't even have time to publish this post before my son got sick. I cannot express how pissed off I am. He cannot handle being dirty or sticky or wet; it freaks him out. And he's not potty trained, so I'm waiting for THAT bomb to hit. What sucks is that just yesterday he had such an amazing day...ending in him being dry for over 2 hours and going pee pee in the potty like a big boy!! (He was in underwear all day, we went through 8 changes of clothes--you don't understand, for him to stay dry is HUGE!). He was learning. He was finally catching on--then he went to sleep and BLAM, he had to get sick. He wouldn't throw up in a bucket or the sink, so we had to let him do it on the floor then simply clean it up. I lost count after 9 times...

I haven't had any sleep. I'm beginning to feel like a resident; working your ass off practically free of charge while being sleep deprived and hungry and absolutely NO TIME for yourself. I don't even know who I am right now.

My house is clean though, I guess that's a bonus.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Warning: Don't read this if you might puke

other titles considered for this post:
1.Why I'm not a fan of CHUNKY twice baked potatoes.
2.I have been run over by a train and then blasted with its laser beams! (Monsters, INC?)
3.Leave me Alone to Die (Lilo and Stitch?)
4.Just call me Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off:
Cameron: [singing] When Cameron was in
Egypt's land..."let my Cameron go!"

5.Burning ring of FIRE!
6.An entire roll of toilet paper gone in ONE night!
7.I look like shit (and probably smell even worse!)

I have been puking while ON the toilet since Wednesday night! I can only assume the cream cheese or sour cream whatever sugar cookies I ate gave me food poisoning (it's the only thing I ate that the others didn't--mostly because I didn't want to share! HA.) But that stomach started to hurt. I knew I needed to throw up. Finally I barfed up the ham and twice baked potatoes I had for dinner, and let me just tell you--you think it's bad to conjure up an image from my writing?? Try LIVING it! It was so thick and chunky; it wouldn't stop! I didn't breath for an eternity just trying to empty my stomach! I was shaking so bad when I finally stopped--

But you'd think it was over, right? Ah NOPE! I threw up 4 more times that night, and what didn't come up, went down and seriously painted the bowl NASTY. By 5 a.m. I was puking green bile out my nose! (which burned like a mother **, let me tell you!) I spent the rest of the day either on the bathroom floor with my pillow and blanket or on my bed with a barf bucket.

My poor children didn't even get to school yesterday because I could NOT be off the floor (or out of the bathroom) for more than a few minutes at a time! How was I supposed to get them dressed, fed, and into the carpool lanes at two different schools without losing some precious electrolytes?!

I don't believe there will ever be enough Gatorade in this world to replace what I lost over the past 36 hours. I managed to get the kids to school today, but I feel as though I have been run over by a dump truck after running a marathon (two things I've never done, but if I did--THIS is how it would feel.)

I had no idea that 36 hours could suck the life right out of you.
Now I know.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

BEAUTIFUL and POETIC: (not my writing style but this will have to do)

I walked my damn dog outside in the frigid cold and wind today (shaddup Iowa, Ohio, and Utah--to me it was FREEZING, as in the kind of frigid cold where you begin to question the amount of heat available in this world and truly wonder if it will ever be enough).
Anyway, she has been on a potty strike as of late, probably due to the fact that I threaten to shove my foot up her ass every time she refuses to poop because it's "just not the right spot"
--but that's beside the point.

Today we were walking all over the neighborhood when I saw SNOW. -granted it was more like dust specks floating around in a poorly lit room but it was beautiful to me- There was snow flying around me--and I was speechless. (I haven't seen snow since the 2002 Winter Olympic Games, and even that wasn't much at the time.) I was in awe of what I was seeing.

I was even more shocked by my reaction to seeing the snow...I was all warm and fuzzy inside; I would have cried but my nose was already burning from the cold--I had to hold back the tears. I never knew I missed it so much.


Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Funkin' Gonuts~

So this morning on our way home from dropping off the munchkins at school, the Tiny one asks me (with those sad, sweet little eyes) if we can "go to the donut place?!" She was sooo dang cute, how could I say no??

Not even five minutes after our major sugar rush...she was dancing and singing all through the place, smiling and laughing...being silly, silly, SILLY. (dora the explorer, anyone?)

I'm sure it didn't help that I was letting her drink my Pepsi to wash down the sugar coated deep fried batter smothered in icing and sprinkles...but hey, she asked.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Homeowners ASSociations

I am NOT a fan of organizations such as these...ones who tell me what color I can and cannot paint my house, ones who tell me what color is required of my mailbox, ones who tell me what is allowed to be visible from the front of my house and what is not...

--why then do I not have to get approval for my window treatments? (You never know, Fusia may become the new slate gray, I'm just sayin...) OH, because that is on the INSIDE of my house, you say?...HMMM...then why do you get to tell me what I can and cannot put on the INSIDE of my garage?!

I hate little discrepencies like these, and the only people making the "official decisions" on these matters are my neighbors--retired marines who have been doing the same thing, making the same decisions for generations--and other neighbors who are too chickenshit to stand up for what they really want!

Hence, you are now looking at a member of the board of directors! That's right. I was voted in last night, and I jumped right in! You should have heard the heated debates that were taking place--it was awesome! And GET THIS!!--I was NOT the one fueling the fires...they were already lit. As secretary, it was merely my job to keep our meeting on task and take notes; however I do get a vote and that's all I want.




Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Stupid Billing Offices and Ant Invasions

Today is NOT starting off well. No, not at all. I paid a medical bill over the phone about 10 days ago, keeping track of my checking account down to the last dollar (and I mean down to the last dollar in our possession), making sure we wouldn't go over our available balance. WELL, this stupid company processed my payment TWICE. That's right, two times they sent it through the system, dragged my account overdrawn, and I got charged $109 in fees!! WTH?! They now say they will refund the money, but they aren't cutting a check until Friday. Why not put it directly back into my account?! They had no problem taking it out!! GRRR. I am so PISSED.

And to top it all off (besides the fact we are all still sick and trapped inside this house TOGETHER 24 hours a day, going on 7 days a week now!!), is the fact that our house is being invaded by ants. Ants in our shower, ants in the bathtub, ants on the floor, ants in the kitchen, ants in the pantry, ants on the countertops...I have called our pest control company out here 7 different times to solve this problem, and I've seriously had better luck with my $7 can of RAID.

*to the ants: i know you are smarter than we give you credit for. i know you can smell a dog's crumb from 1/4 mile away. i know you scout for food and then share it with your colony. i know you don't have to live in soil to survive. i know ALL these things. but i am begging you...get the HELL OUTTA MY HOUSE! You sure as hell don't pay the mortgage around here, you don't contribute to your own weight's worth of food, you don't even have respect for the kitchen table! So until you move out, i will continue to come after you with my can of Whoop Ass!!

Sunday, February 04, 2007


I logged onto blogger this morning, and a page popped up that said, Welcome to the New Blogger. Enter your password to continue to your dashboard. There was no way around it--I could not believe that I was being FORCED to make the switch!

Has this happened to any body else??

And why does it now show Sleeping Mommy, Loralee and Sober Briquette as anonymous commenters? I don't get it. And why are my picture icons not with their comments? Again, I don't get it.

I am not happy. NOT happy at all.

does this mean you have to have a google account to comment now? Doesn't Loralee have the new version of blogger? Again, I just don't get it!!

Friday, February 02, 2007

OK, So Here's How DUMB I Really Am!

A few weeks ago, my husband and I placed a bet over an actor that I thought was from the show "What About Brian"--turned out to be someone completely different. So I lost. I now had to go to James Bond (or another man-flick equivalent), and not only refrain from complaining but also pretend to like it!

Now on Wednesday, something I failed to mention because it serves me right for making fun of my husband and his medication consuming antics, I got sick. Same thing. Fever, chills, sore throat, headache...and absolute misery.

This went on for a few days. I tried to tell my husband this morning that I needed to go see a doctor, but being the hypochondriac that I tend to be (ahem), he thought I was F.O.S. (full of shit) and that it was just some virus that would go away on it's own. When he got home from work, I insisted on going to the doctor. I said, "I think I have strep." Again with the rolling of his eyes, I asked what he'd give me if I won. He said "double or nothing" to our previous bet. DEAL.

I go to an urgent care center and when the doctor walked in after reading my throat swab and said, "you have strep"--I threw both hands up in the air like I'd just scored a touchdown!! (despite the funny reaction the doctor gave me, it was SOOOO worth the $20 copay!!)

I was ECSTATIC!! Never before have I been more happy to have strep than at that very moment!! Planning what TWO chick-flicks I wanted to go see...first would be "Because I Said So" with Diane Keaton because he said it "looks soooo stuuuupid"!! And then another?!...yeah for me. I bring home the news, gloating quite a bit (imagine that?!), and told him my chick-flick plans...

...when he dropped the bomb on me. Clearly I didn't understand the bet. "Double or Nothing" meant I got NOTHING. He didn't gain or LOSE anything by LOSING this MONUMENTOUS bet!! (I never win these things, and I was so willing to go BIG on this one!) Aughhhh!! I HATE being so stupid that I don't even know the basics of Gambling 101.

Dammit! Why do I have to be beautiful instead of smart?!

btw, I'm still not sure I get it...
; )