Thursday, July 28, 2005

Until Then...

I hate to say it, I absolutely HATE to say it.

But I'm going to be without my computer for the next four days, and I just might have to sneak into my aunt's house this weekend and put up with her ever so slow dialup connection so I can get my blogging fix, even if for only 5 minutes!

If anybody needs me, I'll be in Malad, ID with the tiny one for a family reunion.

*my husband just asked, "you packed yet?"
"then what are you doing?"
"i'll give you one guess!?"

It's 10:30p.m. and I haven't begun to pack. (diaper bag, my crap, the baby's stuff, stroller, detailed notes for the babysitter, set the alarm for 5 A.M.!--need I go on?!) I can't focus until AFTER I've finished blogging. Goll, hasn't he learned this yet?!

p.s. how do you spell "goll" (as in Napolean Dynamite)? oh well.

Son Of A...!

You think I would have learned my lesson.

see "why I hate pull-ups #28". I hate poop.
Did I already mention that?

On a side note, check out the tiny one...

Look who got caught with her pants down! Or rather, look who got caught with her brother's pants up.
(sorry it's blurry, she was on the move.)
Apparently SHE thinks she's big enough for Pull-ups too.

(my husband calls her "Little Miss Bigstuff")

Blogworthy On So Many Levels!

Where oh where do I begin?

My husband and I had an interview tonight with the Stake President. (After he's sustained on Sunday, I'll tell you that he's the new Elder's Quorum President. But until then, I'm not allowed to say.)

We left the kids with a babysitter whom we'll call Spooky. (It's a stretch, I know.) So when we left, rain began to POUR down! It was raining so hard that the windshield wipers couldn't keep up. My husband said, "it's like being underwater! no, actually, I could see BETTER underwater!"

When we got to the church, my cell phone rang. It was our babysitter calling from an unrecognizable number. She had locked herself out, in the rain, smoking a cigarette, with the dog, while the kids were in bed, leaving her cell phone inside, and calling from someone else's house.

Moral of the story:
* If you have a spare key outside, be sure to tell the babysitter where it is! (true)
* If you smell cigarette smoke on your dog's breath, chances are your babysitter left it on the picnic table outside while going to figure out a way to get back into the house. (true)
* Leave a key to the house with your babysitter. (oh, wait, we DID that!)
* Be sure to tell your babysitter which house belongs to your good neighbor and church friend so she doesn't go door to door asking people we've never even met where bud and michelle live.
* Tell your little girl that it's okay for her to get out of bed to answer the doorbell when it rings at 10 o'clock at night because it just MIGHT be the babysitter!! (true)
* Be sure to tell the babysitter just which window IS unlocked, so she won't take down all the window screens trying to find it. (mostly true)
* Don't write a blog about it because the babysitter already feels awful for neglecting the children; she cries when she talks about it. (true and false)

Most blogworthy aspect? You decide.
* When the stake president calls for an interview...RUN the OTHER WAY!
* If you smoke, bad things will happen.
* If you say a prayer that "promises to never smoke again", then you better do it! (Lest He smite you with more rain and bad luck!)
* Never say to the babysitter, "that happens to me all the time," because she just might laugh.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Why I Hate Pull-ups #28

When I go to change my son's bum, and I pull down his shorts...guess what comes down with them?! The Pull-up. And guess what comes down with the Pull-up?! The poop! And guess where the poop goes? All over my couch. And what does my son do? Start to roll around like he has ants in his pants...smooshing the poop pebbles into poop spread, causing me to yell "stop it, you're getting [um poop?] everywhere!"... then who comes into the room? My tiny one! She thinks it would be great to fingerpaint with the poopspread! When I finally get her to stop, she decides, "okay, I will just take this nasty Pull-up with me..." (AFTER I've just reclaimed the runaway turds, and put them back in the dirty Pull-up!) Now I have smooshed poop pebbles trailing behind my tiny one year old, with poop paint all over her tiny little fingers, my son still running around butt-naked, laughing...and ALL because the stupid Pull-up had to Pull-down with his shorts!

I hate poop.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

My Blogality

Sorry, you'd have to be pretty bored at work (or desperately needing a break from the kids) to read through all of this...but I thought, what the hell? I'm a pretty desperate person.

what's your blogality? Here's mine:

"You're an ISFP : "I Seek Fun & Pleasure"

"You're gentle and and flexible...considerate of others and do not form views and opinions on them. Often focus on meeting others needs...pleasant, quiet and their best ensuring others well-being. Caring and sensitive....modest and reserved.. "
sorry to disappoint, but I DO form opinions, I don't LIKE to be modest,
I CAN be reserved (but not often)

" enjoy subjects that relate to helping and knowing about people... art ... computers and history classes if these classes are taught with an applied, sensible approach.. and if objectives relate directly to everyday lives.... "
ummmm...I agree with this.

"You're somewhat artistic, aren't you? You could probably post a great poem on the Storm Palace, huh? You dislike structure, because it takes away from your spontaneity and freedom. You like leisure, and seek it out. You savor it...probably say "stop and smell the roses"...You have a personal and humorous approach that is unique... "
Okay, smarty pants, you're on the right track.

"Patient and flexible..easy to get along with and no need to dominate others. You don't need to lead, and are a loyal follower...good team members... You're trusting and understanding...
I'm a wife and a mother. That seems to change the "loyal follower" and
"no need to dominate others" idea! But I am definitely a team player.

Love to you is utter devotion and loyalty... when you first fall in love, you may feel consumed by it...."falling in love with love" ...focus on the romance of it are constantly nourishing the relationship... When scorned, you probably retreat and repeatedly analyze the situation internally....When you let go finally, you can be more assertive again... "
That was me 10 years ago. Now I'm assertive by nature.

"You organize things according to their personal and humanistic values. You like a work setting that contains cooperative people... leadership style involves personal loyalty as a means of motivating others... prefer team approach...likes to enjoy life..."

"Be careful of the following: you can lose out when you neglect your own needs. because you see others' needs so clearly, and because you're heavily motivated toward meeting others' needs, you may overlook your own requirements. You need to learn how to respect own needs more and to be assertive and direct with others in asking for their help and for time to take care of themselves."
What can I say? I am my mother's daughter!

"You also lose out when you are afraid of conflict and mismanage it as a result. You take personal responsibility for conflicts and issues that in actuality belong to others. You become hurt and withdraw. Finally, you can lose out when you become self-critical, and do not appreciate your own accomplishments. "

hmmmm....and all of this from answering four questions!

Monday, July 25, 2005

Sorry, Honey, But I Could NOT Resist!

So last night, my husband was on the phone with his sister. THIS is what I heard on my end.

"oh! you made a Cuban sandwhich?! Tell me about it. What did you do to it?"

"Nnnnice...uh, huh....ooh, wow"

"mmm, hmmm, oh! and then garlic?...uh, huh...yeah.... you don't mess around!"

"you used a wet rub?!"

"uhhaaaahh *(insert orgasmic sound here)*, ...that sounds SO good!"

Now this is where I chimed in, "if you don't stop this, I'll have no choice but to blog about it!" Unfortunately for him, even though he stopped it with the "italian lover of food straight to my heart filled with images of sex and great taste" act, it was too late. I simply could NOT resist! It's true, I blog about my life. My husband is definitely my life. (and 9 out of 10 times, I have an incredibly dirty mind) Some people call it disturbing, I call it talent.

I've Learned My Lesson

I have killer cramps! Tylenol, Ibuprofen, nothing comes close to easing this pain. I've tried everything! Nothing seems to be working.

Last night I decided to do something about it. I still had some Percocet leftover from when I had my wisdom teeth excavated from my I took one, just half. (Felt a little guilty about self-prescribing a narcotic, but whatever, I was hurting so bad!) Just as the medication was beginning to take hold, the room started to spin.

Uh-oh! I felt like I was going to barf! Oh crap! (And this coming from the only drug that my stomach could tolerate!) Needless to say, I spent the whole night tossing and turning on a waterbed atop a tiny skiff out on the ocean waves during a tropical storm, and NOT in a good way!


Ok, Ok, I get it. Stop toying with me. I'll dispose of the narcotics, just more lessons.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Sunday, Sunday...La-da, La-da-da-da!

It's been a good day.

The grass is green, the birds are singing, the sun is up...I am unflappable, insert avian analogy for calm, cool, and collected *here*

(All of this is AFTER my oldest kicked me because I told her that she couldn't color, and the tiny one learned to SCREAM just to hear her own voice, and the dog peed on my bedroom floor, leaving me to soak the carpets with PeeBeGone, which smells awful until it dries, so I turned the A/C way down to dry it faster, and now we're freezing our butts off, and I have killer cramps from hell, and the boy still hasn't been sleeping well because of his waking nightmares, ALL of which would have sent me over the edge, but thanks to the Mama's and the Papa's...I'm singing "Sunday, Sunday, la-da, la da-da!...La-da, la da-da!") I don't know why.

I guess it's just been a good day.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

"Do You Have A SuperSavers Account With Us?"

I am so sick of grocery stores and their stupid supersaver, fresh values, slim pick'ns whatever discount cards. Do I WANT to give you my personal information (address, d.o.b., first born child AND bloodtype) just so I can save $.30 on a can of diced tomatoes?! I don't think so. Just give me the stinkin' groceries and ring it up at the advertised price!

Besides, I can think of better things to do with a piece of cheap plastic than to place it on my key ring, like shoving up your........."go to bed, little miss, go to bed, put the keyboard down, and forget this ever happened...."

shhhhh, that's better.

Friday, July 22, 2005

2 a.m. Delirium

This story has come up twice in the past week. Both times, it was around 2 a.m.

When I was 5 or 6 years old, I spent the week with my friend and her cousin. She had a pool. VERY EXCITING. However, when it was time to use the bathroom, I did NOT want to leave the pool, dry off, freeze inside because of the A/C blasting, put my wet swimsuit back on, and then have to get used to the cold water again.

I knew that it was ok to pee in the pool, everyone did it. So I decided then that it must be ok to poop in the pool. I slid my bottoms to the side (no, I didn't even take them off), dropped a couple of bombs, then swam like hell to the other side.

My friend noticed it right away, and she blamed her cousin who was two years younger than us. Shocked, I just pointed in agreement and acted all disgusted too.

That night, I thought, note to self:
It is NOT ok to poop in the pool.

Thursday, July 21, 2005


I am simply too tired to blog today.

Dang tired.

What has my world come to?

I'm seeing spots, I've had no sleep for 36 hours.
But boy have I got some funny stories to tell...
(remind me about the time.... )
holy crap, i just fell asleep at the keyboard! Quick! Take away my license to blog!
This, THIS is getting serious.

p.s. Dad, if you're out there, thanks for being my rock.
You never cease to amaze...and I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

I Can't Go On Pretending Forever

It's inevitable. Let's face it, in the wee hours of the morning, the kids are GOING to wake up. They are going to ask for cartoons, milk, crackers, and cheerios. When I finally get them all set up with the "morning necessities", the tiny one will wake up. At least she can entertain herself (I put lots of toys in her crib for that very reason.)

So this morning as I lay there, desperately trying to sleep, (pretending that my kids are NOT destroying the house by getting into the bag of oreos and crushing them into teeny tiny pieces and spreading them out all over the couch and bathroom floor)...I decided that we need to have a snooze button on the kids.

"Mommy, the sun is out."


"but I'm going back to bed for 10 more minutes."

Follow up - Classic Randomosity

My friend told me today of a t-shirt a little four-year old girl was wearing. She said, "hey sweetheart, cute shirt, turn around so I can read it."

"I make stuff up."

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Barfing Babies Unite!

Apparently we tivo'd the same episode of Sesame Street. The tiny one has barfed 4 times; we're learning to count to ten.

Count Dracula:
"1! That's ONE barfing baby"
"2! That's TWO dunks in the bathtub"
"3! That's THREE nasty diapers"
"4! That's FOUR others in the litte miss household just waiting to get hit with the poop-onic Plague"
"5! That's FIVE blankets that need to be washed!"

I think next time, we'll just stick with learning the ABC's.

Monday, July 18, 2005

The Jungle

This story is dedicated to Baby-Faith and Holli (thanks for your post)

My husband is convinced that the dog peeing and pooping in the front yard is what's killing it. So to be respectful (and after much deliberation), I decided to walk the dog in the back yard (aka, the jungle). So as we ventured into the great unknown... I began thinking, "I bet there are lots of spiders and creepy bugs hiding in here!"Then all of a sudden--- _F (etch, right?) I got stung or bit or something really painful...I shook my foot, screamed like hell, and ran back to the driveway as fast as possible. (needless to say, my dog shat herself right then and there, poor girl!)

And it just HAD to be one of those ugly spiders, you know the black one with tiny white lines all over it's body? Not that spiders are ever "attractive"...but this one was particularly ugly, and it left a nasty welt on my foot. That bastard. (And don't say that I should have been wearing shoes because I NEVER wear shoes...being barefoot is the only option.) I managed scream some explicitives and do the heebeejeebie dance (you know the kind, the "shake it off dance") .... and much like Holli, I hope my neighbors weren't listening to the sounds of someone being butchered in my backyard.

p.s. When my husband got home from work tonight, he spent an hour and a half mowing down that damn jungle...THAT'S LOVE!

4 Yr. Old Randomosity

So my daughter colored a picture for me this morning. (A bunch of squiggle lines, circles, and colors) I asked her to tell me about it.

She said "it's a casting machine unicorn, but it looks like a castle"

umm...yeah, I'm at a loss for words too...

Sunday, July 17, 2005

A Day of Rest, A Day of Reflection, A Day of Nonstop Lovemaking...

Well two out of three isn't bad! I managed to skip church today, but in my defense, let me just say that I DID attend my four hour long presidency meeting! (Rather than being damned for skipping church, I consider myself "blessings owed" for that very reason!)

Let me explain.

The boy had nightmares last night, so I finally just crawled into bed with him...until 3 a.m when I couldn't take any more [barely-hanging-onto-the-bed-so-my-son-can-sleep-while-drooling-on-my-pillow] lack of rest. Hence, I didn't feel up to battling all three kids at church during their usual lunch and naptimes! (Accordingly, my husband didn't feel like sticking a thousand needles in HIS eyes either, so we opted for the "home schooling approach" to the sabbath.)

As you've probably already guessed, I woke up this morning feeling crappy. When my husband got home from his meeting, I told him point blank that I was going back to bed. And I think Mr. Barefoot might be having a good influence on him (see in other news) because I slept like a rock! And when I got up, the house was clean AND in one piece, my children were all HAPPY, and I was well-rested! What an amazing day!

Now, after my full night of planning, decision-making, and (at times) sheer boredom discussing the NEXT 6 MONTHS of YW, I'm exhausted!

...though I just might have time to cross off everything on my Sunday agenda...technically, there are still two hours left in my day!

Saturday, July 16, 2005

I WANT to complain...I Really, REALLY want to...

I get so frustrated on Saturday mornings. We all have a different "priority list" of things to get done over the weekend, and it causes major upset in the LittleMiss household. I WANT to argue with my husband, I want to break out the boxing gloves...I think, maybe I should just write about it...get it out of my system, and move on with the "not really getting anything done on Saturday because we can't agree on a single thing" day. I WANT to complain!

Then guilt creeps into my conscience...(insert favorite swear word here)...I am totally blessed to have my husband. He's the only one who truly gets me, he's the greatest father (he initiated the tuck your kids in at midnight just to see how cute they are rule), he's provided us with a comfortable lifestyle, he'd rather be home with me than anywhere else in the world, and he's my best friend; I love him to pieces.

Dammit...and all I wanted to do was complain. What did I get? A sappy love story.

Damn him for being so good.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Blogging Is NOT A Hobby (?!)

So my husband has this concern...

he's worried that I'm spending too much time blogging. I told him, "it's my new hobby." His response? "Blogging is NOT A HOBBY!" Then what is it? "It's an addiction."

I'm okay with that.

btw, Lou sums up the traveling experience I had last week. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only person taking notes! More on my life's lessons to follow...

but for now, I have some more blogs to read!

The Pure Beauty of...TARGET

I don't know where to begin. Can I just tell you that I absolutely LOVE Target?! It's any girl's dream come true. Let me tell you why!

Where else can you buy retro belts, music, purses, storage containers for all of the munchkins' crap, bottled water, air fresheners, towels, shoes, batteries, picture frames, hotdogs and yogurt...all the while pulling your kids around in a buggy made for three munchkins, snacking on grilled cheese sandwiches, freshly baked pretzels, fountain Pepsi, and applesauce...?!

A trip to Target is like a trip to my book.

My current list of favorite things: SUPER TARGET
the portrait studio, freshly baked Otis Spunkmeyer chocolate chip cookies, 1 hour film processing, the pharmacy, bathrooms large enough to fit an entire buggy of munchkins inside while my four year old has "an emergency", baby necessities, samples of french bread, and a Starbucks. What more could a girl ask for?!

See Spot. Save. I hear you...

(P.S. just don't ever wear a red shirt and khaki pants. That is... unless you want to get asked repeatedly where to find the tampons or a StarWars Water Blaster. )

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Girls' Night With 'The Regulars'

Oh, yes, we did! We closed down the Hooter's! After enjoying our chicken sandwiches, cheese fries, loads of caffeine, and extra chocolate cake... we heard the Hooter's Girls clap and sing in annoyingly high pitched voices...something about "L-A-S-T-C-A-L-L, last call, last call!"

So you KNOW what we did. (Order another round of Pepsi!)

Man, I love this job.

Just a Test

Hey Sleeping Mommy! Thanks for the internet help! Maybe now I'll become savvy in posting pictures as well! (I'm a little slow, but I'm not easy or cheap! Remember that!!)

p.s. does the picture look distorted? I keep editing my post and playing around with it, now I can't even see straight! (Either that or the fact that it's nearly 2 a.m. and I'm beyond tired!!) Which is it?

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

I'm Not Alone!

I found a blogger who is living MY life in another state! Sleeping Mommy has become a new favorite of mine! (does that make me a Narcissist ?)

You Know You've Been Gone TOO LONG When...

We made it back from our eternal, never-ending warp vacation to Happy Valley. It was just the munchkins and myself, while my husband stayed behind to work, You know you have been gone too long when

* your dog is afraid of the "stranger" in the house
* your children (that usually wake up at the butt crack of dawn) sleep in until 10 A.M on your first day back
* there are fruitflies in the sink
* there are 22 messages on the phone because your husband "doesn't know how to check the voicemail" (though you wrote it out for him before you left)
* the pile of laundary in the livingroom is STILL in the livingroom, untouched, right where you left it
* your baby is STILL asleep at 11 A.M.
* you can't wait to jump online to catch up on Daily Dancer for the past three weeks
* going to bed is not just about sleep anymore (c'mon, moms, you know what I'm talking about here!)
* the list of "chores to do" you left for your husband to keep him occupied and busy, instead of "woe is me, feeling sorry for myself that I'm all alone, so I'll just sit here and read a book or channel surf until you get home" STILL on the counter, untouched, and filled with things that are STILL TO DO!
* you have to run the disposal for 10 minutes straight to get rid of all the shcrap your husband has thrown down there the past three weeks
* there's dog poo in the backyard that hasn't been cleaned up because after all, "It's not my husband's dog", it's mine
*realizing the title to your blog entry needs to be changed to "You know your husband has been without his wife for too long when..."