Let's Remove One Day of the Week, Shall We?

Looking back or posts past, I realize all bad things happen on Monday!!

We need to band together and publicly denounce Mondays from every week. From now on, it's Tuesday-Sunday, six days a week.

No puking. No car accidents. No insurance claims or debts. No end to the weekends. No Monday morning blues. NADA. NILCH. ZIPPH.

Hey, I can do this. I fired a day last year, now we only have 364 days...And you know what? It worked, because we lost daylight savings time too! HA. Bite me.

p.s. here's an awesome link from Loralee.

It Won't Go Away!

I keep trying desperately to get OUT of debt. And yet, it keeps finding me!!

WHAT.THE.HELL?!

1. plumbing in the new house: $6,000
2. replacing our 2nd car when the radiator blew up: $14,000

3. migraine of 2006 medical bills: $300

4. husband's business trips for new job: $2,000 +

5. totaling a van nearly paid for: $xx??

a computer that is dying, the absolute need for a digital video camera (insert want), carpet that needs replacing, updates desperately needed in the new house, a digital camera that is barely breathing, a new vehicle purchase within a year...

and I'm NOT ABOUT to ask what next?!

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some pictures for your viewing pleasure:

I Didn't Have My Camera.

Yesterday we went to the pumpkin patch for playgroup. We had a picnic, played on the swings, drank apple cider, took a hayride through the pumpkin patch, visited the scarecrows, and got in a car wreck on the way home (complete with airbags, broken glass, and busted tires).

We had a fun day.
doctor's visits. x-rays. totaled van.
Today looks promising.
sore muscles. cranky kids. insurance claims.
And tomorrow will be even better.
financial stress. no transportation. medical bills.

And to top it all off, I was without my camera.
ME OF ALL PEOPLE!


*Buddah and Tiny were with me in the accident. All of us are just fine, and the kids talked about the pumpkin patch all day yesterday and played with friends--never once mentioning the car wreck. I'm discovering new bruises and tender muscles, but I have a new appreciation for carseats, air bags, seat belts, and auto insurance.

The Difference Between Us

Here's my idea of a good sandwich:
meat, bread, cheese, handful of chips, soda
Total time involved: two minutes

I asked him, "honey, why are you rearranging the fridge?"
I'm making a sandwich.

His idea of a good sandwich?

chipotle mayo, fancy mustard, toasted chiabata bread,
garlic, salt and freshly ground pepper,
heaps of marinated and grilled chicken, melted cheese,
roasted red peppers, placed under the broiler,
added lettuce and tomato and cucumber,
side of pickles, and ginger ale.
Total time involved: two hours - two days

(give or take)

Why I'm Not Blogging

I need to pay the bills.

I need to balance the checkbook.

I need to walk the dog.

I need to paint the house.

I need to clean the house.

I need to play with my kids.

I need to pray.

I need to read books.

I need to fold clothes.

I need sleep.

Instead of discussing poop, ballet, barfing, swearing, exercise (or any combination of the aforementioned travails of my life)

I leave you with this article. Enjoy.

(thanks Lisa for bringing the cold, hard truth to light!)

Let the Headlines Continue:

1. Poo Soup: Read what happens when you mix a child, diarrhea, and a tub full of water!
2. Is there Ever a Better time for new carpet?!
3. Up to our elbows in Poo and Puke, come join the fun!
4. Mommy, what's a shart? And other important lessons in life.
5. Doctor's offices and vomit go together like peas and carrots.
6. Learn why it's best to carry two changes of clothes!
7. Do you smell that?!
8. Puking at the sight and smell of puke
is NOT a learned response.
9. Tired of doing laundry? Just throw it OUT!
10. Sleep it off, pretend it was all a bad dream. (good night!)

P.S. How do you get rid of the poop smell?? I have washed, scrubbed, and sanitized after changing every poopy bum, and yet, I can still smell it!! Even when there was no direct hand-to-poo contact, I even smell like poo! WTH?! And don't get me started on the stinch from day old vomit in the backseat of our van--baking, literally, baking in the hot car.
I Am SO SCREWED.

I'll Give You One Guess...

As to who puked all over the backseat today, while we were stuck in traffic for 45 minutes?!!
See PREVIOUS POST.

On a happier note, go wish my friend a happy birthday. She'll be back in town in a couple of days, and I want her to smile when she sees her blog!

Thanks, and I hope your Monday is/has been better than mine!
xxoo

T.G.I.F.

SERIOUSLY! IT'S FRIDAY!!

can you believe it??!!

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I Spoke Too Soon.

Anyone want to know how to get Cinderella to mop and scrub your kitchen floors on her hands and knees and do two loads of laundry? Do you?!

Here's the KEY:

Make sure your daughter eats expired yogurt followed by cheese cubes and a glass of milk. Wait less than two hours. Wait for it. Wait--

PROJECTILE VOMIT all over the kitchen floor! Five rounds of vomit, SPLATTERING everywhere, puking on the girl's shoes, the girl's clothes, my shoes, my clothes, the blanket, and the kitchen rug. Just when you think it's all over, the husband goes to run the bathwater. Two seconds later, the Tiny one stops what she is doing, looks at you with watering, red eyes--then WHAM! PROJECTILE VOMIT of red applesauce and crackers all over the kitchen floor, her clothes, my clothes, and of course, the blanket.

Here I am, holding two ragged little girls, covered in vomit--the husband takes them away while I begin to clean up. Not one minute later, I am dry heaving over the kitchen sink, trying to hold onto my dinner as though it was my last supper (Panera, mmmm...it was good!). Somehow I make it through, only to SLIP and FALL. Yep. Slip-n-Slide, vomit style. What a perfect ending to a Friday night.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to spray another round of Lysol. The stinch is unbearable!

My Pretty, Pretty Ballerina

Just SHAT ALL OVER her PRETTY, PRETTY BALLET CLOTHES, and then let it drip onto her PRETTY, PRETTY BALLET SHOES.
She rode home from class on a stack of newspapers and junkmail
(I should mark it "return to sender"! HA!)



*I picked her up just before realizing WHAT had happened, so you can add SHAT on MY pants and on MY shirt to the list.

**And yes, I said "shat"! (somehow "she pooed on my clothes" doesn't give you the FULL effect!) So leave your "i told you so" comments somewhere else because after the day I've had, they are NOT welcome here!

Thinking back to 09/20/2005

Who's Idea Was This? (found this in my archives and LMAO!!)

Who's brilliant idea was it to take three hungry, cranky, and tired munchkins to a picnic outside in 101 degree weather?! Need I remind her that we're in Louisiana?! STEP OUTSIDE and into the Bayou Sauna,

Also, to the girl working the fast food gig...I know you're busy, and that you just want to get a head start on my order. However, when it's a 5-10 minute wait at the drive-thru, please don't make my frosty the second I order it. A melted frosty is useless to me...ESPECIALLY in already hundred degree weather!!

If you see either of these people, please smack 'em. And then bring me a new pair of clothes, right down to my underwear, and bathe my kids because it's HOT, it's STICKY, and now I have a headache.

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* I totally remember this post! And I have to say, I am completely OK with my now 67 degree weather, thank you very much! (sorry Bayou, I love you, but I'd rather just miss you!)