Until Then...

I hate to say it, I absolutely HATE to say it.

But I'm going to be without my computer for the next four days, and I just might have to sneak into my aunt's house this weekend and put up with her ever so slow dialup connection so I can get my blogging fix, even if for only 5 minutes!

If anybody needs me, I'll be in Malad, ID with the tiny one for a family reunion.

*my husband just asked, "you packed yet?"
"nope."
"then what are you doing?"
"i'll give you one guess!?"

It's 10:30p.m. and I haven't begun to pack. (diaper bag, my crap, the baby's stuff, stroller, detailed notes for the babysitter, set the alarm for 5 A.M.!--need I go on?!) I can't focus until AFTER I've finished blogging. Goll, hasn't he learned this yet?!

p.s. how do you spell "goll" (as in Napolean Dynamite)? oh well.

Son Of A...!

You think I would have learned my lesson.

see "why I hate pull-ups #28". I hate poop.
Did I already mention that?




On a side note, check out the tiny one...

Look who got caught with her pants down! Or rather, look who got caught with her brother's pants up.
(sorry it's blurry, she was on the move.)
Apparently SHE thinks she's big enough for Pull-ups too.

(my husband calls her "Little Miss Bigstuff")

Blogworthy On So Many Levels!

Where oh where do I begin?

My husband and I had an interview tonight with the Stake President. (After he's sustained on Sunday, I'll tell you that he's the new Elder's Quorum President. But until then, I'm not allowed to say.)

We left the kids with a babysitter whom we'll call Spooky. (It's a stretch, I know.) So when we left, rain began to POUR down! It was raining so hard that the windshield wipers couldn't keep up. My husband said, "it's like being underwater! no, actually, I could see BETTER underwater!"

When we got to the church, my cell phone rang. It was our babysitter calling from an unrecognizable number. She had locked herself out, in the rain, smoking a cigarette, with the dog, while the kids were in bed, leaving her cell phone inside, and calling from someone else's house.

Moral of the story:
* If you have a spare key outside, be sure to tell the babysitter where it is! (true)
* If you smell cigarette smoke on your dog's breath, chances are your babysitter left it on the picnic table outside while going to figure out a way to get back into the house. (true)
* Leave a key to the house with your babysitter. (oh, wait, we DID that!)
* Be sure to tell your babysitter which house belongs to your good neighbor and church friend so she doesn't go door to door asking people we've never even met where bud and michelle live.
* Tell your little girl that it's okay for her to get out of bed to answer the doorbell when it rings at 10 o'clock at night because it just MIGHT be the babysitter!! (true)
* Be sure to tell the babysitter just which window IS unlocked, so she won't take down all the window screens trying to find it. (mostly true)
* Don't write a blog about it because the babysitter already feels awful for neglecting the children; she cries when she talks about it. (true and false)

Most blogworthy aspect? You decide.
* When the stake president calls for an interview...RUN the OTHER WAY!
* If you smoke, bad things will happen.
* If you say a prayer that "promises to never smoke again", then you better do it! (Lest He smite you with more rain and bad luck!)
* Never say to the babysitter, "that happens to me all the time," because she just might laugh.

Why I Hate Pull-ups #28

When I go to change my son's bum, and I pull down his shorts...guess what comes down with them?! The Pull-up. And guess what comes down with the Pull-up?! The poop! And guess where the poop goes? All over my couch. And what does my son do? Start to roll around like he has ants in his pants...smooshing the poop pebbles into poop spread, causing me to yell "stop it, you're getting [um poop?] everywhere!"... then who comes into the room? My tiny one! She thinks it would be great to fingerpaint with the poopspread! When I finally get her to stop, she decides, "okay, I will just take this nasty Pull-up with me..." (AFTER I've just reclaimed the runaway turds, and put them back in the dirty Pull-up!) Now I have smooshed poop pebbles trailing behind my tiny one year old, with poop paint all over her tiny little fingers, my son still running around butt-naked, laughing...and ALL because the stupid Pull-up had to Pull-down with his shorts!

I hate poop.

My Blogality

Sorry, you'd have to be pretty bored at work (or desperately needing a break from the kids) to read through all of this...but I thought, what the hell? I'm a pretty desperate person.

http://haleonline.com/psychtest/

what's your blogality? Here's mine:

"You're an ISFP : "I Seek Fun & Pleasure"

"You're gentle and compassionate...open and flexible...considerate of others and do not form views and opinions on them. Often focus on meeting others needs...pleasant, quiet and kind....at their best ensuring others well-being. Caring and sensitive....modest and reserved.. "

sorry to disappoint, but I DO form opinions, I don't LIKE to be modest,

I CAN be reserved (but not often)

"OK...you enjoy subjects that relate to helping and knowing about people... art ... computers and history classes if these classes are taught with an applied, sensible approach.. and if objectives relate directly to everyday lives.... "

ummmm...I agree with this.

"You're somewhat artistic, aren't you? You could probably post a great poem on the Storm Palace, huh? You dislike structure, because it takes away from your spontaneity and freedom. You like leisure, and seek it out. You savor it...probably say "stop and smell the roses"...You have a personal and humorous approach that is unique... "

Okay, smarty pants, you're on the right track.

"Patient and flexible..easy to get along with and no need to dominate others. You don't need to lead, and are a loyal follower...good team members... You're trusting and understanding...

I'm a wife and a mother. That seems to change the "loyal follower" and

"no need to dominate others" idea! But I am definitely a team player.

Love to you is utter devotion and loyalty... when you first fall in love, you may feel consumed by it...."falling in love with love" ...focus on the romance of it all..you are constantly nourishing the relationship... When scorned, you probably retreat and repeatedly analyze the situation internally....When you let go finally, you can be more assertive again... "

That was me 10 years ago. Now I'm assertive by nature.

"You organize things according to their personal and humanistic values. You like a work setting that contains cooperative people... leadership style involves personal loyalty as a means of motivating others... prefer team approach...likes to enjoy life..."

yes.

"Be careful of the following: you can lose out when you neglect your own needs. because you see others' needs so clearly, and because you're heavily motivated toward meeting others' needs, you may overlook your own requirements. You need to learn how to respect own needs more and to be assertive and direct with others in asking for their help and for time to take care of themselves."

What can I say? I am my mother's daughter!

"You also lose out when you are afraid of conflict and mismanage it as a result. You take personal responsibility for conflicts and issues that in actuality belong to others. You become hurt and withdraw. Finally, you can lose out when you become self-critical, and do not appreciate your own accomplishments. "

hmmmm....and all of this from answering four questions!

Sorry, Honey, But I Could NOT Resist!

So last night, my husband was on the phone with his sister. THIS is what I heard on my end.


"oh! you made a Cuban sandwhich?! Tell me about it. What did you do to it?"

"Nnnnice...uh, huh....ooh, wow"

"mmm, hmmm, oh! and then garlic?...uh, huh...yeah.... you don't mess around!"

"you used a wet rub?!"

"uhhaaaahh *(insert orgasmic sound here)*, ...that sounds SO good!"

Now this is where I chimed in, "if you don't stop this, I'll have no choice but to blog about it!" Unfortunately for him, even though he stopped it with the "italian lover of food straight to my heart filled with images of sex and great taste" act, it was too late. I simply could NOT resist! It's true, I blog about my life. My husband is definitely my life. (and 9 out of 10 times, I have an incredibly dirty mind) Some people call it disturbing, I call it talent.

I've Learned My Lesson

I have killer cramps! Tylenol, Ibuprofen, nothing comes close to easing this pain. I've tried everything! Nothing seems to be working.

Last night I decided to do something about it. I still had some Percocet leftover from when I had my wisdom teeth excavated from my jaw...so I took one, just half. (Felt a little guilty about self-prescribing a narcotic, but whatever, I was hurting so bad!) Just as the medication was beginning to take hold, the room started to spin.

Uh-oh! I felt like I was going to barf! Oh crap! (And this coming from the only drug that my stomach could tolerate!) Needless to say, I spent the whole night tossing and turning on a waterbed atop a tiny skiff out on the ocean waves during a tropical storm, and NOT in a good way!

...and ALL THIS WHILE STILL FEELING AS THOUGH MY ASS WAS GOING TO COMPLETELY FALL OUT !


Ok, Ok, I get it. Stop toying with me. I'll dispose of the narcotics, just please...no more lessons.

Sunday, Sunday...La-da, La-da-da-da!

It's been a good day.

The grass is green, the birds are singing, the sun is up...I am unflappable, insert avian analogy for calm, cool, and collected *here*

(All of this is AFTER my oldest kicked me because I told her that she couldn't color, and the tiny one learned to SCREAM just to hear her own voice, and the dog peed on my bedroom floor, leaving me to soak the carpets with PeeBeGone, which smells awful until it dries, so I turned the A/C way down to dry it faster, and now we're freezing our butts off, and I have killer cramps from hell, and the boy still hasn't been sleeping well because of his waking nightmares, ALL of which would have sent me over the edge, but thanks to the Mama's and the Papa's...I'm singing "Sunday, Sunday, la-da, la da-da!...La-da, la da-da!") I don't know why.

I guess it's just been a good day.

"Do You Have A SuperSavers Account With Us?"

I am so sick of grocery stores and their stupid supersaver, fresh values, slim pick'ns whatever discount cards. Do I WANT to give you my personal information (address, d.o.b., first born child AND bloodtype) just so I can save $.30 on a can of diced tomatoes?! I don't think so. Just give me the stinkin' groceries and ring it up at the advertised price!

Besides, I can think of better things to do with a piece of cheap plastic than to place it on my key ring, like shoving up your........."go to bed, little miss, go to bed, put the keyboard down, and forget this ever happened...."

shhhhh, that's better.

2 a.m. Delirium

This story has come up twice in the past week. Both times, it was around 2 a.m.

When I was 5 or 6 years old, I spent the week with my friend and her cousin. She had a pool. VERY EXCITING. However, when it was time to use the bathroom, I did NOT want to leave the pool, dry off, freeze inside because of the A/C blasting, put my wet swimsuit back on, and then have to get used to the cold water again.

I knew that it was ok to pee in the pool, everyone did it. So I decided then that it must be ok to poop in the pool. I slid my bottoms to the side (no, I didn't even take them off), dropped a couple of bombs, then swam like hell to the other side.

My friend noticed it right away, and she blamed her cousin who was two years younger than us. Shocked, I just pointed in agreement and acted all disgusted too.

That night, I thought, note to self:
It is NOT ok to poop in the pool.