Monday, September 04, 2006

Good to Know # 816

If you are 5'11'' (and over the age of 25)
let me just say this much:
you're too big for the playground's tunnel slide!

You might end up chasing your baby girl, thinking you can still maneuver down the slide the way you used to play "crack the egg" when you were little, follow her down the slide, and two hours later you will find the pain in your low back is still intensifying, you will have trouble walking up the stairs or bending down to pick up the toys, and you will moan like an old fart who threw out his back...

Thirty minutes later you will be calling your dad asking, "what the hell can I do to make it stop??" Then your mind will begin to race, (blurring out the doctor's voice), and instead of hearing "ice it and you'll be fine," you hear, "you will be in a wheelchair for the rest of your life"...suddenly you find yourself wondering how you will ever drive a car again, or run along side your daughter on her bicycle when the training wheels come off, or attend your son's high school football games when you can't even stand up!!---and ultimately you'll decide that your life is just about over.

My advice? leave the sliding to the kids and you'll be fine.

9 comments:

  1. Um. Being EXTRA careful because you have a ROD IN YOUR BACK might be a good reason NOT to do shit like that TOO??? (I'm just sayin!)

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  2. Yup I agree with Ms. Jae, you do have a little extra something to worry about as well. Hope your back starts feeling better.

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  3. I'm not sure I completely agree - I find a few hours of discomfort quite a fair trade for the bliss of a few seconds of feeling like I'm a kid again. (Although, I don't have to worry about a rod in my back.) Too many things make me feel old these days!

    Hmmm... there might be some money to be made in playground equipment for adults. Hmmm...

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  4. Stop lying, you're 6' tall! Why ya wanna lie to the internet?

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  5. I love your public announcement.s. You go through pain so we don't have to. Very thoughtful. [end sarcasm now and begin sympathy]

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  6. Are you creating an "IOWA" post. 4 months later... with all your pictures?

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  7. that sounds like good advice, for you and me!! my back is jacked completely. maybe when we're older we can get some of those hoverrounds and just go cruising together!

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  8. My back is also skidanked. Ever since I had Gianna the littlest thing sets it off! Your right why does it immediately happen once you hit 25? On OFF on OFF On OFF. Gosh imagine if we were in our fourties. We'd be in trouble.

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  9. I've never gotten stuck in the slide, but I was crawling around in the wooden tunnels chasing my kids and whacked my forehead (very, very hard--seeing stars hard) off one of the cross beams. I fell over in the tunnel and lay there writhing and whining for fifteen or twenty minutes. After that I sat on the bench like the old fart I apparently was.

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Oh come on-- the least you can do is say HELLO!! You didn't come all this way to turn around and walk away, did you? DID YOU??