Life is sooo not fair.

We slept well last night, the alarm went off at 5 a.m. No puking, no pooping, no worries. Right?Checked in online, began printing our boarding passes. Tiny PUKES in the living room.

Cleaned up, let's get in the car anyway because I.have.just.checked.in!
Not even five minutes later, Sweetie is running a fever and crying. Then she too PUKES in the living room.

Nevertheless, we push on...because
I have already checked in!

We make it to the airport, walk up to the ticket counter, Tiny PUKES all over and I have to drop everything and RUN to the garbage can. Meanwhile Bud-duh is crying because mommy left, Sweetie is asleep on the floor, and a nice man from the next line over is busy trying to clean up my purse and things strewn everywhere from the ticket counter to the garbage can.

Alright. I get it. We are supposed to be trapped in Utah HELL. We are all suppose to suffer from horrible tummy cramps, puking and pooping until we are all too weak to stand up, AND we are to be trapped here until Tuesday afternoon (without any luggage, I might add)! This is great. Freakin' wonderful (after all, I am in Utah--what did you expect? The F bomb? Heck no!)

$#@$%**&^%$#@@#&!

And you want to know the worst part? My birthday is Monday and as fate would have it, I'll still be puking up everything I eat!! This is supposed to be my BIG birthday, the one I've looked forward to all my life. And I don't even get to be home to celebrate it!

No, I'm not turning 21, I don't care if I can drink or not.
No, I'm not turning 25, I don't care if I can rent a car.
No, I'm not turning 30, I don't give a rat's ass
about being three decades old!

I am turning 29-- the age I will be for the rest of my life! I will be forever 29 and what do I have to show for it? A bucket of puke, sharted underwear, and cranky sick kids who miss their daddy almost as much as I do!!!

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to run to the bathroom before this rant REALLY gets ugly.

Up a creek without a paddle (or a suitcase or underwear or toothbrushes)

Headed to the airport today only to have our flight home delayed by 45 minutes. And not only was it late taking off but they wanted us to BOARD the plane. and sit on the runway. the. entire. "delayed" 45 minutes. until weather cleared up in Houston---(um, insert fave quote here: Houston, we have a problem!)

With only an hour layover in Houston, that left very little time for a mom traveling alone with three little rotten, screaming, crying, tired, ornery, fighting, cute munchkins to make their connecting flight. And I will NOT be stuck in Houston. Alone. With 3 kids! Do I want to take that risk?! Um...Negative Ghostwriter the pattern is full.

So I will now be headed home Saturday morning at the ass crack of dawn, and our luggage will be sitting in lockup at the airport until then. Good times!

UPDATE:

Sweetie woke up at 3 a.m. barfing into the sink!! Then she spent the rest of the morning on the toilet--now my stomach is all crampy and I am hating life!! If the younger two get this virus, then someone PLEASE just shoot me, ok? I cannot do this.

My stomach HATES me.

I have a headache, fever, and chills.

And I fly out tomorrow morning at the ass crack of dawn.

Did I mention my life SUCKS right now?!

don't read this--

RECAP at Loralee's!!

She did such a fabulous job posting about our weekend getaway...wait, it was only one night-- and a Tuesday night at that! Oh well. It was fun. Wish you all could have been there. I'll post my set of pics as soon as I can get them off my memory card--

As I tried to fall asleep last night, I had images of GREAT blog posts dancing in my head--only I was too damn tired to remember any of them the morning after. So there you go.

Off to Looney Tunes, my friends! MWAH.

p.s. don't forget to check out the sideblog-- the funniest ringtone EVAh.

Ring, ring ring!! LMAOOOO!!

When I was in college, I always prayed to marry the man I love. Years later I learned to pray to love the man that I married.

Can I just say how lucky I am to have my husband? Someone who is faithful. Loves me unconditionally. Puts up with my moods. Loves our children as much as I do, would give his life for any one of them. Trusts me with all his heart. Brags about me to his coworkers (and uses me as perfect examples when teaching psychology to undergrads--but we'll just skip over that part!). He loves me! And I love him so much that thinking about him now gives me butterflies in my stomach!

But you know what?-- that love doesn't come naturally, and you're a fool if you think it does! It takes practice. It takes patience. And you have to be humble, lose the pride and recognize how good you really have it!

Because I do.

OVERLOAD!

This past week has been a frantic one as I tried to get everything ready for our trip out west. Packing. Laundry. Cleaning. Shopping.

Want to know what I've accomplished thus far? Laundry (some), Cleaning (some), Shopping (some), Packing (NONE), Haircuts and Makeovers (CHECK), Photoshop to leave my fellow bloggers with some fantastic pics? (CHECK).

So here you go. My friend cut my hair a couple nights ago (after getting makeovers, VERY fun night) but I didn't get any decent pics. So (of course) I spent my midnight hour taking self photographs in the mirror then photoshopping the crap out of them so they look decent.

Also about an hour before getting the haircut, we tweezed my eyebrows! (ouch) I'm not like Erika who has a set of tweezers in her SUV and is OBSESSED with tweezing her brows! However, after our little makeover it was suggested and voted upon by all in attendance that there is a reason one should become obsessed with thin eyebrows!!

*I'm reminded of A League of Their Own when the girls are at charm school and the Mademoiselle looks at one of the players and says, "eyebrows! thin and separate!" or "there should be two, not one!"

And thus the tweezing began...what do you think?

There was hair EVERYWHERE! Ick.

WHY do I get myself into these things??

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Speaking of haircuts...take a look at what Tiny did to herself--

I know, it could have been worse...but the little imp said "it was too long", and I only found out because there was CHUNKS of hair all over the house! T I N E E E E Y ! ! !

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I hate being gone for nearly a month. It's hard on the kids, it's hard on me. Worst of All, daddy has to stay home due to unforeseen work complications. I HATE it when I have to separate N8 from the munchkins, it breaks my heart...

which explains why last night when I came to bed my heart simply melted:


Sigh...another trip home without my husband.

At least he'll have Damn Dog to keep him company!

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Hope you have a SILLY JULY and

miss us TONS!!!

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Aaah--I almost forgot--

Reva Reva BoBeva, BananaFana fo Feva...

we are HOTT and
DAMN I'm gonna miss you!!

And to my girlfriends in Utah--

I CAN'T WAIT to come and play!!

see ya on the flip side.

THANKS TO THE RED, WHITE, & BLUE (and the orange, yellow, green, and purple)

After getting a GPS system yesterday, my Dad (aka Willy D.O.) and I decided to "get lost" downtown and let Magi take us home. (Magi is what I named my Magellan navigation system). We took a random exit off the interstate and saw crowds of people everywhere, streets were blocked off, police were on every corner...

then we realized--IT'S PRIDE WEEKEND!!

How could we skip out on such a cultural opportunity?! So of course we parked the car, joined the crowds, enjoyed a flamboyant parade, and then had a nice leisurely lunch on the patio of a local tavern!! It was AWESOME!!

*this all happened after spending the morning at a gun show and buying Coach and Prada bags for under $100 while N8 took the kids to church by himself-- I know, I know...I'm such a decent human being.

Other title considered for this post:

--Nothing Says the Sabbath Like Guns, Knock offs,

Taverns, and Flamboyancy!!

A Boy's Gotta Learn Some Time...

Is it wrong to blog about my son discovering "shrinkage"?! Well, I think Erika said it best when she said, all is fair in parenting and blogging.


AND...WELL, IN THAT CASE...

We just got back from the pool when I told miles he needed to go potty. He pulled down his swimming trunks and laughed!

"hey mommy!! mommy!! look!! look!! my penis got fat!!!"

(and impressed that he learned something new, I giggled and said, yes, Bud-duh, that's what happens when you go swimming and the water is cold--)

He laughed some more and said, "hey mommy!! my penis has water in it!! And that makes it fat!! hahhahaaa!!!"

(um, not exactly son...but we'll save THAT talk for another day! Like-- the day you get married!!)

CRUNCHY?

The girls were looking at pictures on dad's laptop (screensavers) and giggling like...well, like um, little girls. Anyway, when they see a picture of Bud-duh they start LAUGHING (not sure why, probably because most of the pics are from when he was a baby)...

Tiny points and laughs-
look at crunchy Bud-duh!! He's soo silly!

Um, I think you mean chubby Bud-duh.
--hee hee, NO, crunchy bud-duh! He's so very crunchy!

and when I find the camera that TINY has hidden...
I will upload a couple pictures.
Grrr, she is such a Stitch.

--update--

nevermind, I found it in the playroom.

The Dads in My Life...

In typical Little Miss fashion, I developed cellulitis in my right knee late Saturday night, and by Sunday morning it was INCREDIBLY painful to walk...even sitting still hurt. I had no idea what was going on, just that it was getting worse every hour. So off to Urgent Care I went...

Um...sorry, honey, I need you to load up all the kids in their pajamas and drop me off at the doctor because I'm broken. Oh- and happy father's day.

An hour and a half later, one antibiotic shot in my left hip (I swear it was yellow gel that she was shoving through that needle and now I walk with a limp on BOTH sides), one bout of nausea and vomiting, one set of crutches, one script of painkillers and one more for antibiotics...I return home to my king size baby blue and chocolate bed.
(sorry had to throw that in there)

In the meantime I leave a frantic message on my dad's voicemail (aka Willy, D.O.) that I am dying...
Oh- and happy father's day.

He called back giving me advice and validating my pain (which is ALWAYS a safe way to handle me when I'm stressed) and promising that it will be OK (another safe way to handle me when I'm fragile).

The dads in my life GET ME. I'm not sure that other people get me the way they do. N8 understands my issues almost as well as my dad does...which makes me love them both
SO VERY MUCH.

comfort, advice, validation, unconditional love, calling me out when I need it, encouraging me to go on when I feel hopeless, throwing in their sense of humor to make me laugh, and trying to keep me sane--whatever it takes, my dad and husband are there for me. thank you.

Happy Father's Day!

p.s. just so you all know how wonderful my husband is...
he insisted on doing everything for me today, including walking Damn Dog. I apologized again, and he said, "don't worry about it. It's Father's Day-- a day for fathers to give back." Sigh...I love that man.

I MIGHT have (possibly) peed my pants. MAYBE. just a little.

MOVING day at Princess Reva's might have been quite eventful. I probably went to her house to help unpack and break down boxes to declutter the kitchen. I bet I even stacked the boxes into one big pile, waiting to be taken downstairs for the garbage man. I probably then TRIED to step over the pile, failing miserably, and I just might have slipped and lost my balance in three different directions as the piles of boxes slid on top of one another until finally the bottom box was sent flying across the hardwood floor, landing me FLAT on my ASS.

And I might have (possibly) peed my pants. And if I didn't pee my pants on the way down, then I probably did it in between fits of laughter and tears. And if I didn't pee my pants because of the laughter or the pain, then I probably peed them a little when Princess Reva's baby SCREAMED at me as I rolled around in hysterical fits of laughter and well...pure CRAZINESS, scaring the living bejeebers out of her!

*Princess Reva might have thought I was kidding about NOT stepping on those boxes...and she just might have found herself FLAT on her back within minutes. She MIGHT have peed her pants too. I'm just sayin...