I NEED...I NEED...

FIRST THOUGHT:

OK, I am codependent. I have issues. Though I am trying to define that line between wants and needs, I still like to spend money on clothes and makeup, and I'm always in the market for a new purse or bag. ALWAYS! I think sometimes shopping can be a need (like retail therapy after a particularly depressing day) and other times it's just a want (like going to the store and buying something just to make a purchase, not really caring about what I get). And it's hard to set a budget for those situations because if I have it, I'll spend it. If I spend it, I'll end up needing it later. If I don't spend it and I get another allowance, then it will be burning a hole in my pocket and I'll have to blow it at Target just because I can.
bottom line: no budget. no judging.

SECOND THOUGHT:

There is something however that I always NEED--and that is my friends. I NEED them. When life gets hectic and busy and my friends get neglected...my life seems off course. I like to know what's going on, I like to chat, I like to read their blogs and get e-mails and text messages. I like the feeling of knowing someone else cares about what goes on in my life. I need YOU.
bottom line: stay in touch. i'll try harder too.

Now just imagine: Wants and Needs together!!! Anyone wanna go shopping?! ; )
and yes, the title was a plug for High School Musical 2: I need FABULOUS!!

Good to Know (in times of crisis)

I heard I could buy an overstuffed chair for the dog at Costco (seeing as how she always likes to sit on the couch because she can then use the back to support her body all curled up in a little ball)...so I was surfing Costco.com to find said chair. I found it. Adorable and less than $50!! Not bad. Before I checked out though, I noticed all of the search icons at the top of the screen...particularly to the left side of the website...

What's new...Appliances...Auto...Funerals...Furniture...Gifts and Tickets...

WAIT!! DID THAT JUST SAY FUNERALS?? Ummm, yes. Yes it did.
(click)

Go ahead, see for yourself. If you or a loved one dies, tell the others to go cheap and buy in bulk. Perhaps you could also let the mob in on that little secret, might save them a pretty penny or two when trying to dispose of the bodies.

-seriously? a casket from Costco?...S & H charges are covered in the cost, how thoughtful...why not just purchase mine now and store it out back until the time is right to receive my great reward?...we don't have enough furniture in this house, HELL, why not make it part of the sitting room?! Guests will LOVE the idea...wtf?? I need to go to bed.

Umm...I think the Weather is a bit CONFUSED!

It snowed on Wednesday then again today!! And to quote Just Me, I'm not sure but I think hell is finally freezing over!! (not that I think Georgia is a hellish place, but they don't call it HOTLANTA for nothing!)

So of course we spent a lot of time outside in our grossly inadequate gloves, hats, jackets, and tennis shoes so we could build a snowman and take pictures (LOTS of pictures)! The kids were so excited--it was almost magical to them, you could see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices. And I never would have believed it was all real unless we had the pictures and videos to prove it! It's been an amazing week!

Ohh How Approriate!!

I'm not sure where to start or which part of the story would be the most entertaining...hmmm
Perhaps I'll give a brief "Cliff's Notes" and go from there.

• Wednesday was a busy, busy day
• Tiny went back to preschool, Mary and I celebrated with pedicures!
• cooked a yummy, yummy dinner (no really, it's true!)
• cleaned the house (and interviewed someone to help me every other week!)
• visited with friends until midnight
• crashed right away
• Tiny came into our room at 3 o'clock in the morning demanding a drink of water
• we refused to get up, so she began to puke...it was LOVELY
• (she really was sick, yes I do feel a bit guilty)
• I was up with her the rest of the night, bathing and puking, rinsing and wiping, then repeat
• I went downstairs to fetch a barf bucket.
• slipped on my pajama bottoms
• caught myself on the banister and let my toes curl under
• and I broke my middle toe!
• MY TINY LITTLE MIDDLE TOE.
• Not worth a damn thing unless it's BROKEN!

• then it's worth ALL kinds of things!! Like walking up and down the stairs, walking to the bus stop, putting on shoes, driving the car (right foot, of course!), standing in the shower, standing to teach Sunday school, sleeping comfortably, getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, having (or NOT having) sex, getting stomped on by little feet or paws throughout the course of a day, going out to dinner with the family and having to walk across the parking lot and then in between tables all squished together, pedicures, shopping or merely browsing through my Happy Place-Target, playing footsie, chasing after the damn dog when she decides to bolt out the front door, rescuing Tiny when she gets stuck between her bed and the wall (a common occurrence), running to catch the phone...

• And let me just tell you this much: IT SUCKS.

*this was the morning after--and now, three days later, the bruising is OH sooo PRETTY! I'll have to upload some more pics, but that would require walking into the other room to retrieve the camera...and well, I'm just not willing to do that at this point in time!

___________________________________________________

UPDATE: (yes, more pictures! this is the only therapy I get!)

*the awful stairs at 3 o'clock in the morning!

I.AM.A.BLOGGER.

I am once again reminded that in order to be a true blogger you must be completely self absorbed. When searching through previous posts from 2 years ago in order to find that really cute haircut...be mindful of those around you.

When they see you laughing, when they see you shaking your head, when they hear you say Oh MY HELL (besides knowing that you are from Utah) they now know you are shallow and self absorbed--so much in fact that you will tune out the rest of the world so you can completely lose yourself in your past musings. They now know you have a serious attitude problem and a tendency to insult others and divulge their secrets,* and they will leave you feeling alone and guilty.

Now I'm not saying you should stop blogging (that would be blasphemy)!! All I'm sayin' is that perhaps you might want to wait until you are surrounded by the privacy of your own home before you start flippin' page loads, revealing yourself to In Real Life friends that could leave you feeling exposed and vulnerable (though they should know by now that you will be blogging about the whole situation an hour later)!!

*But do you think they realize they are no longer safe from the random thoughts that pass through my mind and into the world wide web purely for my own entertainment and self satisfaction? No? OK let's just keep that between us. Thanks.

UPDATE:
After reading your comments, I guess I could just be more specific. After all, it's not like my friend Mary wouldn't know I was talking about her if she read my post!! So here's what happened:

We were at my friend's house getting my hair cut and colored, but I forgot to print out the picture I had in mind. I knew I had a picture on my blog from a couple years ago though, so I began the search while she and Mary chatted over breakfast. Meanwhile I became LOST in my earlier posts...searching for the one with the cute haircut, I kept reading my past musings and completely ignored everyone else! (You have to understand, our kids were there, her kids were there, total chaos and uproar with 5 little kids and a dog; meanwhile I'm just sitting at the computer laughing and having a good time!...don't mind me!) After a while I realized I was the only one there! So after finally finding my picture, and insisting that they come see my blog, my friends seemed a bit...miffed? (in a "roll your eyes" kind of way), and it became clear to me that they sooo do not understand the vanity of a blogger! It takes a special person to be so self-absorbed! : )

A Novel?

So I'm reading this book, "Those Who Save Us," and the story goes back and forth between Germany in the early 1940's and the United States in the late 1990's. The "child," (now a grown woman), begins to remember bits and pieces of her early childhood, mostly from her dreams...but it is amazing to me what children remember and what they completely forget as adults. It got me thinking...

What are some of your earliest childhood memories? I bet they are nothing spectacular or horribly traumatic, right? My memories as a three year old consist of a red door on our old house and fake butterflies on the walls, a blue plastic fridge downstairs somewhere, my mother (a nurse) giving us our immunization shots at home (which I thought was completely normal by the way), once in Oklahoma I remember her wallpapering my room with some girlfriends and I had to stay with a friend the WHOLE.entire.day (it was annoying and made me homesick)...but anything spectacular or traumatic? No.

Once I was old enough to go to school I began to remember my life by grades. Memories of kindergarten, 1st grade, 2nd grade, and so on...with only bits and pieces in between. One particular memory is of my mom helping me get ready for school in the morning. She put my clothes on the heating vent to get warm while she made breakfast, and I wore a blue puffy coat to school that day. Particularly spectacular or horribly traumatic? No.

I remember asking my mom to time me as I ran a circle around the house, practicing for T-ball. I remember sweeping the porch and being afraid of the toads that hid behind the grill. I remember playing with the string from the blinds and teasing my cat. I remember being in the garage as my mom got a pound of ground beef from the deep freezer when a can of juice fell out and landed on her foot- she yelled, and though I knew it wasn't my fault, I apologized for it anyway. Was it anything spectacular or horribly traumatic? NO- but it is a moment I will never forget. I just don't know why.

What is it about a particular experience that forms a lasting memory? I need to know! I worry all the time about the damage I am doing to my kids with the constant mood swings, the ups and downs of depression, my constant fight to find "quiet time" and "leave mommy alone so she can rest" time...how is all of this going to effect my children? What memories will they have of their early childhood when they are 29 years old and reflecting on some book they read spawning a sleepless night filled with worry and dread?? What will my children talk about when they get together 20 years from now and play the "remember when..." game? Will they be talking about their crazy mother and how it's a wonder they all survived without years of therapy?

Will Tiny remember the time I lost my temper because she lost the only picture I had of my grandparents with all three of my children? Will she remember that I completely lost control because it was no where to be found?? Or will she remember the next day, how I tried to comfort her and tell her I was sorry and that it was "no big deal" and that mommy could always get another picture? Will Sweetie remember that I got irritated with her when she couldn't ride her bike without a push? Or that I picked her up late at night and snuggled her, reassuring her that she was the absolute sunshine in my life? Will Bud-duh remember how pissed off I got in the mornings to find he had once again wet his pants and soaked the couch cushions? Or will he remember the lullaby I sang to him every night before he fell asleep?

Perhaps they won't remember any of those things. Perhaps they will only remember the bits and pieces of being a child that make no sense...memories that will have them questioning the reasons behind those lasting impressions years down the road.

And maybe by then I’ll have forgotten the depressing recollections from "early motherhood" and remember only the gratifying facets of raising my children...

Uh OH!!

As you can see...it was time for a change. Subsequently I lost all my links and any extra musings I've acquired over the years! So I will spend the next several days trying to find each and every one of you...but if you feel the need to help me out-- PLEASE leave a comment with your info!

Thanks, you're a real peach!
LOVE YA

Just Because!

Christmas is now less than 2 weeks away...and my mind is constantly racing with everything I still need to do! So I decided to just take a break and post some pics of the reason why my life truly is sooo perfect.

DAD- this IS my gratitude list! ; )

i'll let ya know how it turns out

The INSTANT my head hit the pillow...all symptoms of feeling exhausted, overly tired, and sleep deprived VANISHED. Am I tired? Oh no--because that would imply I was actually turning into a normal human being--one that wakes up early, enjoys a productive day, and goes to bed at a reasonable time! NO that would be too simple!

My train of thought went something like this:

tired...long day...why?...oh searched online to find something fun to do as a family for the holidays...then the parade...enjoyed our little outing...but the chicken strips hurt my stomach...the kids liked getting candy and seeing the dogs...my neighbor just got a dog...who else?...oh sweetie's friend from school...her dog died last year...my dad's dog died last year too...that was an awful experience...his bird died too...maybe i'll get him a Fur-real parrot as a joke...sick joke maybe...crap i haven't done any christmas shopping for my brothers...gift cards are good...i love target and old navy...but i want one from best buy--i need jessie's camera and her talent, can't buy that one....damn...n8 needs to install our new printer...i might need it tomorrow...took cute pictures in the leaves...need some photos printed...i still have to work on my sunday school lesson before church...last time i taught was so uninspirational...i was nervous. family was in town....n8's family will be in town for christmas...i wonder what groceries i'll need to have on hand...they are such foodies...giggle...i'm turning into one too...our first christmas was nothing but ham and cheese sandwiches for me! that was so long ago...his dad said i looked like a cancer patient with my new hat...we were so young and stupid...i hated being stupid...high school was stupid...one guy told me he liked to try new flavors of ice cream because he was tired of vanilla...ha! his girlfriend was pissed she got called vanilla...he ended up working for my brother...akward...i dated guys who worked for him...why?...i never did date brian...that would have been weird...i wonder if he has any more kids now...i have more kids now...three to be exact...they are so cute...so damn cute!...i'd be jealous of my cute kids if i were someone else's mother...in fact, i'd just slap myself...giggle...i just cracked myself up and no one is awake to laugh with me...i should try to sleep...how? count sheep? where did that idea come from in the first place? sesame street? nah...it's been longer than that...i should google it...hell i should get up and write all this down...maybe THEN i can finally fall asleep...

UPDATE: I still can't sleep, so I googled my blog. i think it's hilarious that out of the 200 some odd posts, the ones showing on my record has to do with poop, PMS, or inappropriate body parts! Now of course I can't sleep because I'm giggling at some of my previous posts...and again-- NO ONE is awake to laugh with me!!

My Favorite Flower...

Cali Lilies have been my favorite flower since I discovered white daisies were more of a trend in the late 90's than anything else (after all, who doesn't like daisies?) Anyway, when we were first dating, N8 brought me a bouquet of beautiful wild flowers and cali lilies in a long stem box. They were beautiful and later became the grand design for my wedding bouquet.

Today I was flipping through a major fashion magazine and came across an ad for "vaginal rejuvination", apparently it's a big deal and people travel from all over the country to get their umm...yep--their girly parts nipped, tucked, tightened, or lasered because it's simply that big of a deal.

WHY THE HELL ARE THESE TWO TOPICS CONNECTED?!
you tell me-- click here!

-ok, so if the link above doesn't work then click here
you'll just have to scroll down to the middle of the page--the image I'm after is copyright protected or I'd just post it myself!! grrr.