Thursday, September 18, 2008

Discovery and Healing

Anyone who knows me knows how much I HATED high school. I could jump on my soapbox in a heartbeat and rant about how girls can be so mean and boys can be so cruel.

I could tell you how often I was teased about being scrawny, tall, awkward, and flat chested. I could tell you I was the brunt of a lot of jokes but how I laughed them off as though they didn't bother me. I could tell you how my friends used me because I had a car-- how they would invite me to parties JUST because they needed a ride (and even though I knew it somewhere in the back of my head, I still wanted to believe they actually WANTED me there). I could tell you how I lost the one true friend I had in high school because I was always trying too hard to be the aforementioned friend to a group of girls who could care less rather I suffered or not, so long as I was there when they needed me. I could tell you about how desperately I wish I could have that friendship back but pride got in the way until 6 years later, when I finally apologized--but of course it was too late. I could tell you about the girls who hated me and made my life a living hell. I could also tell you my experience in middle school wasn't too far off either.

So for me to actually log onto Facebook and see names and faces of people from my past-- it was surprising to find that I wasn't hurt or angry or even remotely upset. Could this be how I really felt? As I started to look up the names and faces of those I remembered, I began to realize my life was never as bad as I once thought it was. I had so much anger built up (actually "bitterness" is a better description). I harbored so much bitterness and resentment toward those horrible experiences that I let it overshadow my memories of the good times for the past 13-14 years.

And now, over the past 5 short days my history has been rewritten in a much more positive light. I have reconnected with friends from elementary school, college, and even a few from high school.! I wish I could explain just how cathartic and healing this has been for me...but I can't find the words to do it justice.

All I can say is that this week has truly given me a new perspective on how I view my past. I have some great memories. I have some great friends. And I just might let my girls grow up and attend high school after all.


  1. As I was reading your post it reminded me of some of the stuff I had to put up with in middle school. I don't remember having to put up with a lot of this in high school. I think I had learned a lot of lessons by then. My "teacher's" name was Heidi. I called her Heidi-Ho-Bag. Still do.

    Actually I have been desperately missing a certain friend from high school. Good to know that I may be able to find her on Facebook. I'll have to check.

  2. You know, I've been thinking over the past week, how I wish we had been better friends in high school. I don't know how that happened. We were so close in elementary.
    I was so in my own little world. (I'm pretty sure I was the biggest nerd in the school, but didn't know it because I was so oblivious)
    I'm so glad to have reconnected with you!
    And I'm glad you've overcome your bitterness!

  3. Hey Mandi-Lou!

    Don't worry, I felt like I had some anger and bitterness as well in those days! I felt hurt a lot! The funny thing is how I have reconnected with soo many people on Facebook as well, and I love it! It is a little strange I must say! For the most part I really do love it!

  4. LOL. That's so funny because I remember how bitter you were about High School when I met you in college. So bitter in fact you started college early just to get away from it.

    But I'm glad that you've reconnected and found the good in your past. I've had my ups and downs in high school but I try to focus on the fun times too.

  5. p.s. speakdaddy is actually me, I didn't know I was logged in under Bob's id.

  6. Holy cow! Does everyone go through this?? I never was invited to birthday parties. I was always the outsider when I moved to town and wasn't ever really excepted. Sad. The one person I tried to make my best friend never really reciprocated.

    It is nice to be grown up and the people you meet don't care if you were popular in school.

    I am so glad you have begin to heal. It will be such a release!

  7. Oh man...I hated high school too- can totally relate. And mostly, my experience on Facebook (and Myspace) has been rewarding, but not quite. I still had to deal with some catty females regarding my 10 year reunion and it brought back every reason I hated high school. And I sincerely hope that nothing like that happens to you. I'm thinking 10 years is just not enough time for some people to grow out of their immature behavior. Oh well! (And our reunion ended up getting canceled, but I would not have gone anyways...)


Oh come on-- the least you can do is say HELLO!! You didn't come all this way to turn around and walk away, did you? DID YOU??