Wednesday, January 04, 2006

A Shit Sandwich

We made it home from our thousand-mile trek across the southern United States. We are all in one piece, and we are all safely in our own house! However, we did manage to pick up some low-grade fevers and "cough-ez", (as my 4 yr. old so tenderly puts it). If you need us, we'll be in bed.

Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the past two weeks:

"I can give you a shit sandwich, and you can take a bite and smile--but it's still a shit sandwich." my husband after discussing how to "fake it" around family.

"Some people aren't in touch with reality!" my snotty response to my sister in-law saying all you have to do is have a good attitude about it, and everything will work out just fine.

"I don't see how we could possibly cater to you any more than we do already! We do everything you want to do and nothing that you don't want to do. How can you possibly feel your opinion is any less valued?!" my other sister in-law's response to the first after complaining about my snotty comment.

*i would so love to write about the night all of this went down, but since the storm has since blown over...and i have my sense of humor back, i'll just leave it at that.

or perhaps, i'll blog that story another time. after all, it IS blogworthy on every possible level!!

My favorite quote??
"Ah, Little Miss, we're not even out of the neighborhood yet!" my husband in exasperation as i totally fogged the van the morning of our trip home. LMAO!

In closing, I'd like to thank the following for making this trip possible:
Sony DVD player
Brother Bear, Incredibles, Sharks Tale, Cinderella, and Spirit
Prescription strength cough syrup (thanks dad!)
Coke Zero, sunflower seeds, and plain Hershey bars
milemarker 558
the traveling family with three dogs keeping my children entertained on the highway
They Might Be Giants for their ABC album
*Barefoot, keeper of Damn Dogg
Dayquil and Motrin
bridges along the way
hand dryers on the wall at knee level (thanks for thinking of the little guys!)
Indoor McDonald's playland

*Barefoot, since it would cost $140 dollars to kennel my dog (and given the fact that she has been Dumbass Wonder Dog's concubine for the past two weeks AND she ran away), my husband says you get half!


  1. Yea! I'm first!

    I am glad you made it home safely. Please blog the story of how it all went down! And this happened with sisters-in-law? Not even with real sisters? COOL! Even more interesting!

  2. Dear LORD - I don't know how all that drama happened and someone didn't end up dead.. and I'm serious. I can't make statements anywhere near that crappy to my own sister without her turning into one of the crips and going all gangsta on my ass. But I have to walk on eggshells around her because she's "fragile" (eh hem)


    you rock.

    i like the secret blog!!

  3. Your husband sounds EXACTLY like mine... shit sandwich indeed.

    I think we all need to start secret blogs and not tell ANYONE but each other and then we can talk about our sister-in-laws (ahem) I mean family all we want.

    Oh, and I've been meaning to ask you for a long time... HOW THE FREAK CAN YOU DRINK COKE ZERO? That stuff is NASTY! LOL

  4. SOOO Glad you made it home safely!!! Hope you all feel better soon. NyQuil the night away!

  5. Glad you made it home and HATE that you guys feel like crap.

    LOVE the quotes. The last one is the best, lol!

    Feel better.

  6. This one worked! :) Glad I found you again!

    Did you go see MY family by accident?

  7. You so have to tell us exactly what happened and how it played out. With your family-in-law I'm sure it's a great story.

    Maybe I'll watch a PG-13 movie tonight and think of your sister-in-law.

  8. What! Damn Dogg totally liked it. It's not my fault your dog is, um, how shall I put it, friendly. Your just bitter because Dumb ass dog has light fur and Damn dog has dark fur. Why you gotta be prejudice?

  9. There's gotta be a good story behind mile marker 558 too...

    ...and I'm with Heather- we should all start secret blogs so we can bitch about the stuff we really want to....

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  11. That sounds like a great conversation ... maybe like something you'd want to BLOG about and SHARE with the rest of us?!?! Why you gotta be like that, making us all curious-like?

  12. hi!! thanks for your email, LM. glad all of you are back home, with stories to tell!!

  13. I love the shit sandwhich line and will use it, however, not on my family because we keep everything inside.....isn't that the best way to deal with everything?

  14. I'll bet there are lots of blog-worthy moments from your trip--and just think, it'll be therapeutic for you and you'll be providing entertainment--a public service! It's a win-win situation...:)

  15. Your posts are always so hilarious. Your style of humor is just great. That list made me laugh!

  16. Blah, Blah, Blah... Shit Sandwich! Write a new post already! (HE HE... k, so I really just want to laugh again about the TRIP OF A LIFETIME with your In-laws!)


Oh come on-- the least you can do is say HELLO!! You didn't come all this way to turn around and walk away, did you? DID YOU??