99. when taking a really hot shower, wash your body first, then your hair (and RINSE), shave if you must...and then you can relax and enjoy the hot water. other wise it will go cold and you will still have greasy hair...
92. next Christmas, remember the following:
-fruit loops on a tree will get eaten by the dog.
-presents under a tree will get opened by the baby each day and must be rewrapped each night.
44. If the door won't close easily...(kinda like something is being smashed) THEN DON'T FORCE IT. Chances are that the marshmallow smashing in the crevice is actually a lizard. Then you're husband will tease you because you jump at every piece of dust that floats by.
*and three months later, the plastered lizard guts will still be stuck to the side of your door because neither one of you want to scrape it off, AND you can get Barefoot to throw up a little in the back of her throat when you show it to her!!
82. Do not sniff your daughter's underwear to check if it's clean or dirty. Just assume that they are dirty and toss 'em into the laundary basket.
112. When publishing a draft, be sure to change the date to 2006, otherwise the post will be lost in the deep, dark archives and you'll have to go searching for the damn thing!!
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AHHHH LMAO!!! i have a whole lizard...sanz guts...still smashe on the inside of my door jam...i think it's preserved there...
ReplyDeleteand i've been guilty of sniffing my daughters panties...as if i didn't have 30 more pairs in a drawer that i could get instead of trying to figure out if they were clean...soooooo not cool of me...
My New Blog!
I was wondering when the hell you were going to post again, I was going to have to repremend (sp) you but I know how hectic your life is some days.
ReplyDeletePoor Lizard, when Ms. Jae comes to visit I will to and we can have a funeral and mourning for the poor dead smashed lizard, it's life was cut so short....
Umm, yeah anything on the floor is dirty in my book, no smelling other peoples clothes, no matter how closly they are related to me.
All brillant and informative 'good to knows'. I will take them all to heart. In my defense of lizard, I totally was not expecting that, and. it. was. gross!
ReplyDeleteMs. Jae, she has a long list of 'good to knows' and just publishes them as they come up, what ever number they are.
Your generosity in providing this ongoing public service is really appreciated.
ReplyDeleteYUCK! Glad I have you to tell me these things. I didn't want to find out about the lizard or underwear thing on my own!
ReplyDeleteI could have used your advice before I sniffed the armpit of BSCs shirt to see if it was dirty.
ReplyDeleteIt was dirty.
He had been working out.
Then mowed the lawn.
(Shudder) Soooooo gross.
Yes. Number 99 is a must do. Work first, then enjoy the HOT water until you come out like a beet, lol!
ReplyDeleteAnd 82? Yeah, it took me exactly once to just assume they had been worn.):)
Glad to see you back!!
Oh My... LOL...
ReplyDeletethat lizard one really got to me.
ugh. poor thing!!!!
LOLOLOL. Wait you killed a lizard? Pooooor lizard :(
ReplyDeleteokay... so #82 brought back bad memories of when i dated a panty-sniffer.
ReplyDeletethank. you. very. much.
no.82-LOL.
ReplyDeleteLOL.. You are a riot. AND, gawd I LOVE how you write.
ReplyDeleteThe underwear thing really got me. HAHAHAHAH!