99. when taking a really hot shower, wash your body first, then your hair (and RINSE), shave if you must...and then you can relax and enjoy the hot water. other wise it will go cold and you will still have greasy hair...
92. next Christmas, remember the following:
-fruit loops on a tree will get eaten by the dog.
-presents under a tree will get opened by the baby each day and must be rewrapped each night.
44. If the door won't close easily...(kinda like something is being smashed) THEN DON'T FORCE IT. Chances are that the marshmallow smashing in the crevice is actually a lizard. Then you're husband will tease you because you jump at every piece of dust that floats by.
*and three months later, the plastered lizard guts will still be stuck to the side of your door because neither one of you want to scrape it off, AND you can get Barefoot to throw up a little in the back of her throat when you show it to her!!
82. Do not sniff your daughter's underwear to check if it's clean or dirty. Just assume that they are dirty and toss 'em into the laundary basket.
112. When publishing a draft, be sure to change the date to 2006, otherwise the post will be lost in the deep, dark archives and you'll have to go searching for the damn thing!!