Sunday, October 16, 2005

My stomach HATES Me!

Definite Signs That Your Stomach Has Formed an Alliance With the DEVIL:

1. your stomach hasn't cramped this much since you were in labor
2. your baby cries because she sees mommy crying
3. you have to actually decide to shit or puke into the toilet (not an easy choice)
4. you stay in your pajamas all day because they're already dirty
5. you mistake toilet paper for fire ants
6. the whole house smells like the geriatric ward
7. you sustain yourself on saltines and Gatorade for 48 hours
8. you can't sleep because of the gurgling noises
9. you don't dare burp or fart for fear of getting MUCH more than you bargained for
10. you only eat what you can tolerate being ejected from your body


*if anyone needs me...I'll be in the bathroom.

13 comments:

  1. wow, that all sounds exciting, if you need me to take and spritlings tomorrow, let me know. Feel better, ('cause I WON'T keep them forever, no matter how nice you ask).

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  2. That is one interesting post. Your house smells like a geriatric ward? You mean like shit? Also, if you need to puke and shit at the same time a five gallon busket comes in handy. With a bucket, you don't have to make those tough decisions.

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  3. oh no girlie!! that absolutely sucks... and this is coming from a girl with a perfect storm brewing! i assume it's the flu... get better soon. drink lots of fluid. i've found that when i can't hold anything down, if i like water off of my fingers for hydration, it seems to work. don't know why, but it does. good luck.

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  4. btw, like=lick.

    later.

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  5. oh I hate it when people are sick. I hope you are feeling better soon.

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  6. Oh girl, I'm feelin' for you! I know when I'm in that condition, the only thing that keeps me from blowing myself off the bowl is the counter pressure from power puking!

    Feel better! And use Charmin, lol!

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  7. Been there, done that, and have the t-shirt to prove it! It sucks! Hope you start to feel better soon!

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  8. Reminds me of something my grandmother used to say when we would say "I thought I put it away" or "I thought it was closed," etc. She would say, "You know what Thought did one day? He thought he farted, but he shit himself." I have never, never, never understood it, but I figured I might as well pass the confusion (and ickiness) along.

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  9. i'm so sorry to laugh at your misery...

    oh by the way...when you get more than what you ask for when you fart...it's called a SHART

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  10. I hope you are feeling better today. That just sucks.

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  11. Oh man...such horror and you still have an amusing post! You're good :-)

    Get better really soon, I've been there, it's horrible!

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Oh come on-- the least you can do is say HELLO!! You didn't come all this way to turn around and walk away, did you? DID YOU??