#91. If you throw a diaper in with the dirty clothes, it will look like a jelly fish exploded in your washing machine. (oh, and it's slippery as snot when it covers the floors like snow as you're shaking it off.) NOT that I would know...but I'd suggest taking the entire matter outside.
#72. If you leave a box of Cheerios out, your baby WILL find it. She will dump out the entire box, scatter it like dust in the wind, and then your two year old will crush every single cheerio that the dog has not yet licked up.(one week later, you will still be finding crushed Cheerio remains in crevices you didn't know even existed.)
#03. If your dog is tall enough to stand on her hind legs and take food from the counter, then SHE WILL! (And if you kick her ass hard enough, she'll run to her box before you even tell her to do so.)
#14. If your wife tells you to run to the store because she needs chocolate and tampons, DON'T ask any questions. JUST.DO.IT.