As I sit here, awaiting the arrival of little glutton-filled rowdy munchkins to knock on my door...
I can't help thinking how nice it is to be a grown-up. I get to sit in my cute little house and hand out candy to trick-or-treaters and laugh and comment on their costumes, showing my true cheesiness...
Then I look at my candy bowl and get nervous. What if I run out of candy? I'd be such a loser. How would I be able to turn kids away? (I'd have to search the kitchen and start handing out pop tarts or baggies of wheat thins.) On the other hand, what if I end up with the entire bowl untouched?! Would I then be the epitome of loser because even glutton-filled little munchkins were too cool to come to MY house?! What is wrong with me? Hmmm?
So the question...do I give out handfuls of candy to the trick-or-treaters who come to my door (and save face when my bowl is cleaned out by the end of the night, thereby risking the possibility of wheat thins?) Or do I give out one piece of candy to each kid as if I'm being cheap or overprotective of my $3.99 bag of candy?
There must be some sort of balance here. Too much? Too little? Too much? Too little? Too much? Too little? (as I sit here plucking petals off a flower...)
No matter what I do, they'll be judging me. I can tell by the way they look down at their bags after I've dropped my candy inside. Some even look at their friends' bags before leaving my front porch! Do they not like Smarties? Were they hoping for the Snickers? And if I only give them one piece of candy, will they look at me like I'm the Halloween scrooge?!
That's it! To hell with it. I'm turning out the lights and taking my bowl of candy with me! Happy Halloween, you little turds.