Monday, October 31, 2005

hAllOWeEN!

As I sit here, awaiting the arrival of little glutton-filled rowdy munchkins to knock on my door...

I can't help thinking how nice it is to be a grown-up. I get to sit in my cute little house and hand out candy to trick-or-treaters and laugh and comment on their costumes, showing my true cheesiness...

Then I look at my candy bowl and get nervous. What if I run out of candy? I'd be such a loser. How would I be able to turn kids away? (I'd have to search the kitchen and start handing out pop tarts or baggies of wheat thins.) On the other hand, what if I end up with the entire bowl untouched?! Would I then be the epitome of loser because even glutton-filled little munchkins were too cool to come to MY house?! What is wrong with me? Hmmm?

So the question...do I give out handfuls of candy to the trick-or-treaters who come to my door (and save face when my bowl is cleaned out by the end of the night, thereby risking the possibility of wheat thins?) Or do I give out one piece of candy to each kid as if I'm being cheap or overprotective of my $3.99 bag of candy?

There must be some sort of balance here. Too much? Too little? Too much? Too little? Too much? Too little? (as I sit here plucking petals off a flower...)

No matter what I do, they'll be judging me. I can tell by the way they look down at their bags after I've dropped my candy inside. Some even look at their friends' bags before leaving my front porch! Do they not like Smarties? Were they hoping for the Snickers? And if I only give them one piece of candy, will they look at me like I'm the Halloween scrooge?!

That's it! To hell with it. I'm turning out the lights and taking my bowl of candy with me! Happy Halloween, you little turds.

13 comments:

  1. k, just kidding. We had plenty of trick-or-treaters, but we still ended up with an entire bowl full of candy thanks to my little glutton-filled munchkins who didn’t even realize it was CANDY! For all they cared, people were giving them STUFF.

    “Who cares what it is? It’s STUFF, and I get lots of attention for being so damned cute! This knockin’ on doors thing is better than pattycake or ring around the rosies any day!”

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  2. Wow. The real difference between men and women:
    Women work themselves nuts worried about this kind of thing.
    Men, to hell with it. Send the wife out with the kids, hand out boxes of raisins and eat the candy yourself while you watch sports. Moral dilemma? Do what now?

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  3. i made the mistake of telling kids last night to just take a handful. did i really need to clarify that you should take just ONE handful? one would think that one handful would be more than enough. it's tough laying down the law with kids... but when the teenagers did it, i had to draw the line. gluttonous pigs.

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  4. Okay, Little Miss...Where are your cute pics of your kids and/or of you and your hubby passing out candy?

    Definitely give the kids a handful. Those kids will remember you as the "cool neighbor". The old man across the street only gave my Tinkerbell ONE miniature hershey bar! We remember him!! LOL!

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  5. You rock. I went out with my kid and we got the candy. We had TWO kids come to our house for trick or treating...worthless. Halloween was never a favorite of mine.

    Now head over to my blog and you'll see what my fav. holiday is.

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  6. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who wrestles with this issue on such epic levels. ;)

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  7. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who wrestles with this issue on such epic levels. ;)

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  8. I had this problem, started out giving 3 or 4 but by the end of the night only one tootsie roll per kids, and I ran out, I'm such a bad neighbor!!!

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  9. and I agree with Lady luck, we need pictures!

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  10. Yes, PICTURES PLEASE! Hey, don't feel bad. I was at Target in the candy aisle for like 30 min trying to decide what kids would want this year! My husband hates going with me for this reason. We went to his bro's neighborhood anyway so we weren't even home that long. So we now also have a huge bowl of junk to consume. Oh, the striped tights. I use to have a pair in middle school. You could pull them off.No Doubt!

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  11. I'm jealous...not only is my son too old to trick-or-treat, but our neighborhood gets ZERO trick-or-treaters. As a result, I sometimes get "bah humbug" about Halloween and it has always been one of my favorite times of the year.

    Sigh.

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  12. You are TOO much! How funny. Never really thought of it that way. I am always pounding the pavement with mine. I must say though, that mine DO care about what they got, lol! Man, no stuff here, they want CANDY!

    Halloween was successful and safe for us as I hope it was for all.

    Thank God it's over.

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  13. There you go!!! More for you!

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Oh come on-- the least you can do is say HELLO!! You didn't come all this way to turn around and walk away, did you? DID YOU??