Monday, September 05, 2005

Faith Renewed

Ok, so I wrote this post a couple days ago. I couldn't bring myself to publish it because literally five minutes after I wrote about "my faith renewed"...I heard the news. I read the stories. I listened to our local radio stations taking calls from New Orleans and the surrounding areas. I heard the heartbreak in their voices. And it made me angry!! I wrote a follow-up post because I was so pissed. (I truly had a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde moment.) I couldn't decide... was I happy or was I sad? Was I melancholy, or was I pissed as hell? I wanted to rant and rave. I wanted to vent my frustrations. I wanted to post the weblinks to those awful stories I read. I wanted to be in a bad mood, and all I wanted was for people to say, "I absolutely agree with you...you're an irrational bitch, but I agree with you." And that would have been ok with me, truly, it would have. However, I didn't want to fuel the fires. I know I tend to preach unity and support, devotion and giving others the benefit of the doubt to those making judgemental comments...(hypocrite, right here) and yet, all I want to do break away from the system, tell them how badly they suck, show my true colors... So in an effort to do the right thing, I kept the original post and deleted the follow-up bitchfest. (thank you, thank you...pats on the back are greatly appreciated.)

* Original Post Date: Saturday, September 3, 2005 *

I came across a story that Sleeping Mommy had linked on her site. It is just one of the thousands of GOOD THINGS being done in this country to aide in the devastation we are seeing on the news. If you are feeling discouraged, feeling like you are just one person living too far away to do anything to help, please read this story. I know that through this tragedy, we are seeing the best and the worst being brought out in everyone. But this just proves that despite the decay of our loyalties and faith, there is a lot of good that is coming from it as well.

I have also followed the advice of my father (fat, naked dancing cartoon in my comments section??), and I am trying to feel grateful rather than guilty. I am grateful that we (ordinary citizens) are able to provide relief to those in need, even if it is just a hot meal or a blanket. I am grateful my family and my home are safe. I am grateful for the love and support pouring in from around the country. I am grateful we live in a democracy. I am grateful we have certain freedoms, such as the freedom of speech (and blogging, of course!). I am grateful for my faith in God, And I am grateful for His love and mercy.

And in an effort to be "normal" once again, I went to Target yesterday (my utopia, but that's another story), and I must admit, the first half hour was very difficult. We saw a girl (former Target employee from New Orleans) shedding tears of gratitude as the manager reassured her that she had a job here, and she could start right away, and stay for as long as she needed. The place was bustling with lots of people, workers were trying to restock the empty shelves, lines went out the door, delivery trucks were constantly ringing the bell, hospital workers were shopping for supplies due to the sudden influx of nursery patients in our area, people were taking spitbaths in the public restrooms... and I was shopping for ?? What, Barefoot? What did I even buy? Nothing of consequence (except of course for Little Girl Cherub's birthday, which was the driving force behind attempting an hour of "normalcy"), and yet, I still did not feel normal. After indulging ourselves with a mini shopping spree, I began to feel better about our situation. I've been trying to make peace with it. Honest. And visiting my Utopian Society helped to pull me out of a serious funk.

I do know that people are finally being taken out of New Orleans by the busloads (as promised two or three days ago), the hospitals are cleared out, helicopters have been flying overhead nonstop, and 60 newborn babies just arrived safely at a local hospital in our area. ((smiles all around!!)) I know that for every single person that died or suffered, there are at least 10 more that are living and getting better. For once I feel the sun's bright rays are more than just a cruel joke being played on those suffering without air conditioning or sunblock.

K, so there was a little bitching, but it was better than what I wrote 10 minutes later! TRUST ME!!

3 comments:

  1. It's hard in the midst of so much tragedy not to be angry. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are as close to being in the thick of it as you can get without being one of the victims.

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  2. I think you are a wonderful caring person. You have a right to be angry, hurt or depressed. Just make sure your family is taken care of and they all know that you love and appreciate them. I'm glad that you are getting some normalcy back into your life.

    (P.S... Weber State won their first game 61- 0!!)

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  3. THERE YOU ARE!!! I am glad that you are getting back to some sense of normalcy. You are my HERO! Keep doing what you are doing to help EVERYONE... this is your way of healing.

    I love you!
    (The NON-sex camel!)

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Oh come on-- the least you can do is say HELLO!! You didn't come all this way to turn around and walk away, did you? DID YOU??