I desperately feel the need to reconnect with my life. It's damn near impossible for me to fathom the idea that life is normal. It.Is.NOT. Nearly 300,000 refugees have flooded our towns, and amongst the desperation and surreal tranquility, social unrest is erupting everywhere. You keep thinking that things can't get any worse; that you believe in the hope and trust of the human experience and desperately want to believe that people are good natured with pure intent. You want to believe that we can all come together in a time of crisis. You want to save the world.
After 9-11, there was a feeling of patriotism and honor, even pride in our country for the way we came together and strengthened one another. What do you do, how do you feel when mother nature obliterates lives, homes, businesses, entire towns...? Can you feel pride in the volunteers giving of themselves and their sustenance? Absolutely. Can you feel pride in our government for taking charge and trying to make things right again? Absolutely. Can you feel pride in the fact that people are continuing to suffer, starve, and die while organizations "get their shit together" so they can start helping the situation? Absolutely not.
Things are wrong. I try not to watch the news very much or even listen to the radio because of the absolute heartache I hear. I can't close my eyes on my way to the grocery store and turn my head to the poverty and desperation surrounding me. Barefoot and I have been doing the only thing we can do right now; gathering food, clothing, toiletries, bedding, and anything else people can donate to take up to our church where members are beginning to pour in. They have nothing to go home to. They literally don't have a clue what is to become of their lives at the end of this.
My family is safe. I have a safe shelter overhead. We have food and water. And.I.Feel.Guilty. I look at the people who continue to go to work (nail salons, craft stores, the Ice Cream man , jewelry stores, book stores), and I feel sick. Why?Because it means that people are trying to maintain normalcy. This does not sit well with me. I couldn't take a client in and give them a pedicure or a fancy haircut while others are starving and dying of heat stroke less than 30 miles from where I am! I know it's irrational, but I feel like the world needs drop everything and rescue these people...and ... just, fix it.
I KNOW LIFE NEEDS TO GET BACK TO NORMAL. I know this in my head; my heart just can't grasp it. I am not blaming anyone. I just need to vent. This is the best therapy I can get right now, and I'm going to take full advatage. I apologize for the rambling, but these are the issues I'm trying to deal with. I need to share these thoughts to maintain my sanity.
Keep in mind I never said my thoughts were rational, and in fact, I know that they are even wrong. (no need to correct me) This is just my reality right now, and I'm trying to deal with it the best way I can.