Genie in a Bottle

Damn the Man. To hell with the man. That's what I say! You know why?? Because I don't have a job! That's right folks, Little Miss is no longer a working woman. Whew. I feel like the Genie who's just been released from his "itty bitty living space," tired of always saying, "POOF! what do you need? POOF! What do you need? POOF! what do you need?!" I'm no longer chained to that damn job, and it feels GREAT!

Having said all of that, I truly did enjoy my job. (Just not the complete idiots I worked for!) The only problem is now...well, um...that I don't have a job! I didn't plan on quitting my job, nor did I think I'd get fired, so ending our "relationship" (as my boss called it) on amicable terms this morning came as quite a shock to us both, but I'm glad it ended. It's as though this was an answer to a prayer I didn't even know I was asking. This is a good thing.

Now I guess the only question is what I should do with all of my free time...?
; )

The Great Migraine of 2006

The great migraine episode of 2006 has passed, THANK (insert hightest power here) for the relief! I still feel as though I have the worst hang over. Sunlight hurts my eyes, I have really dry skin, and I'm a bit looped up (why? I don't know, I have not had any drugs since Sunday night!) However, I felt the urge to update everyone on the past week. While the migraine lingered for nearly a week, the urgent care doc discovered fluid in my middle ear just a couple of days ago. (For those of you who have never had an inner ear infection, be grateful. This meant that my equilibrium was off, I had blurred vision, and couldn't walk a straight line to save my life!!)

Things I have learned NOT to take for granted:
- sunlight
- sleep
- darkness
- quiet
- best friends who care for your kids when you can't even crawl to the toilet
- best friends who have cushioned toilet seats for those times you simply fall asleep with your head hanging over the great porcelain goddess
- clean bath mats ; )

- being able to stand in the shower without someone holding you up
- the E.R. and good pain relieving drugs
- urgent care docs who go the extra mile to cover every base
- dads who are there for you every step of the way, and take every painstaking phone call you send their way because they LOVE YOU and want nothing but the best for their little girl
- husbands who carry you to and from the car both times you were admitted to the E.R. and say, "I don't care if you get fired from your job; you are NOT going into work today!"
- children who whisper
- children who give their mommies loves and share their "silkies" to make her feel better
- blog friends who are so concerned they send personal emails to make my day!

Walk America!

I have been volunteering with the March of Dimes for almost a full year now. At the end of this month, our chapter is participating in WalkAmerica to raise funds for research to fight prematurity and birth defects. Many of you may have already received a personal email from me, but for those of you whom I do not have addresses for, please click on the Donate Now link below. This will take you to my personal webpage and explain more about what I am doing and why. I have such a passion for the miracle of birth, and as a future doctor I simply MUST share this passion with others. Please feel free to email me with any questions or concerns, and by all means, please share this message with anyone and everyone!





p.s. If the button fails to direct you to the right place, my website is http://www.walkamerica.org/littlemissfamily

Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses, and all the king's men,
Couldn't put Humpty together again.


Yesterday I woke up to the worst migraine I've ever experienced. I thought the one I had a few months ago was BAD...this didn't even come close! I thought I was going to die. I crawled around the house all morning, I managed to change two diapers...and then drive over to Erika's house so she could take care of me. (I had to pull over in the middle of the road to barf...THAT'S how bad it was!) At one point, as my head was hanging over Erika's cushy toilet seat, I thought to myself...child labor? Bring it on! Migraines? Not a chance in HELL!

Under the direction of my doctor (aka my dad), I went to the E.R. for the full workup. We knew the results would come back "migraine" because it's hereditary, but just to be on the safe side, it had to be done. Besides, if I didn't get something for nausea and pain soon, I was sure to die. I waited in the E.R. for three and a half hours, but when the nurse finally came in with my drugs...it was all worth it! Her name was Ms. Virginia.

And I just want to take a moment to say "I heart you, Ms. Virginia! I really, really do!"

And to the social worker who felt my pain (a fellow migraine sufferer), thank you for getting me a blanket, turning out the lights, and keeping my hallway quiet! I heart you too!

As you can clearly tell...I was feeling MUCH better.

p.s. Erika, Dr. Dad, and my dear sweet husband, thanks for hanging in there with me. I know I make an awful patient, and that I am incredibly hard to deal with when I'm in pain, and that I get overly anxious when I feel that it's getting out of control, and well, I'm just one big baby!! Thank you for knowing what to do, how to do it, and what to say. I love you all SO VERY MUCH.

Let's Have A Talk...

Ok, it's naptime. My children are not sleeping. Now, anyone who knows me KNOWS that I am the naptime nazi (fairly dubbed by BFB). The tv is turned way down, the lights are switched off, the ringers are set to silent, and signs are put on my doors (shhh, babies sleeping, please do not ring the bell). We take naps EVERY DAY. The four year old, the three year old, the 22 month old, and even the dog. Our activities revolve around naptime. We can play from morning until noon, or we can play after 4:30 or 5 p.m. Anything in between is OUT OF THE QUESTION, so don't even ask! My.whole.house shuts down during naptime, and we do this EVERY DAY!

(are you getting the picture yet?? I am indeed the naptime nazi!)

Anyway, a representative from our electric company came by to uninstall some insurance crap that we've been paying for every month for nearly two years, and it's something that we don't even need! Our warranty covers all internal wiring in the house. I do not need to be paying twice for this crap. So one year after making the phone call (no, I am NOT kidding), the dude finally shows up.

"Ok, remove the damn thing, PLEASE. But do not ring the bell because my kids are sleeping."
yes, ma'am.

ten or fifteen minutes later, the power goes out. my computer...caput! I marched outside and said, "that would have been REALLY good to know!" sorry, ma'am. "um, yeah, that REALLY sucked! I had my computer on!!"

"is it going to do that again?" no, ma'am.

the power comes back on, and every beeping thing in the house goes off. the alarms, the clocks, the radio, and the phone. mother ****!!

"ok, kids, get back in bed! I know you were already asleep, but naptime is NOT over."
kids are settled, my computer is STILL not booting up properly, and

I AM PISSED.

about ten or fifteen minutes later, I see him again and assume he's finally done and leaving us alone. Suddenly, DING DONG!!! (oh, I KNOW he did NOT just ring the door bell!!)

"Are you kidding me??!!"
um, is your computer working yet, ma'am?

"no! it's not! but my children are now awake now for the third time. and trust me, if my computer does not boot up soon, [electric company] will find out about it!!"

*why do people have to be such complete dumbasses?? This is one of the posts where I would have used my "f" allowances for the month, but I already spent them IM'ing my friend. So just enter them about six times in this post and you MIGHT catch a glimpse of just how pissed off I really am!!!

It's That Time...

I haven't blogged about bodily functions for a while now, and well...frankly, consider this post a major laxative. I was going to save each story for a different week, (you know, show some love one day, fling a little poo the next, flash cute pictures of my kids, throw a bitch post, then back to some more poo...) Anyway, you get the idea so just sit back and enjoy a story (or two or three). It's up to you just how much shit you can handle at once.

#1 Every.Damn.Time.
So, i've been trying to resist blogging about this...but I simply cannot ignore it any more!In the typical course of a day, I have to poop a couple times. Generally speaking, it's once in the morning and once at night. Though I must admit, ever since we got high speed internet, things have been different. Why are the two related? Let me explain my theory.

Every time I sit down to the computer, my body lets me know that I have to poop. It's as though the computer gods are trying to keep me from my evil ways of ignoring the kids, putting off the laundry, and paying the bills like a good mother should. But you know what? I have foiled them ALL because I stop what I'm doing, haul ass to the bathroom, and then come RIGHT BACK to my computer. So there!

My theory? Either the computer gods are pissed, or they are just trying to get me to flush ALL the crap out of my system at once. (whether on the computer, in the toilet, or in the bathroom at the McDonald's down the street...more on that one later)


#2 Timeline.
I was on my way back from picking my son up from preschool (a 60 minute drive round trip), when 3/4 of the way home, I had to GO. NOW. I was clenching, taking deep breaths, sweating, just trying to make it home. I was so close! But those urges were getting worse, and I was in so much pain. We're talking tears here people. I hate that feeling of "gotta shit right now or I'm gonna die"...and there's nothing you can do but hold it in!!

I was desperately trying to figure out how to pull off to the side of the road (not even ten minutes from my house)...but there were no shoulders. I'd have to go into a ditch, something not worth risking with my children in the backseat. Plus, it's a heavy traffic road, and I'd prefer not to share THAT with my fellow commuters.

So back to my options. Gas station? Get all of my kids out of the van and into a dirty gas station? I don't even think I could get them unbuckled before messing myself. No.must.keep.driving. (By this point, I was literally five minutes from my house.)

enter thought: I could just go in my pants. save myself the torture. i'm almost home, no one will know. i can end this pain RIGHT NOW, and be home in five minutes...

MCDONALD'S! Oh my gosh, there's a McDonald's on the corner, less than a mile from my neighborhood. It's clean, kids will be safe there, and I can blame it all on them!! Tires screeching as I pull into the parking lot...MOVE,MOVE,MOVE!!!

I cannot tell you just how CLOSE that was. I was considering CRAPPING IN MY PANTS, people!! Oooh, that was an awful drive home.


#3 More Girl Issues
As if being on the rag isn't bad enough, our bodies go through lots of trauma each month. Between the hormones, the cramps, the bloating, and the general PMS...I have to deal with more bodily functions! I don't know why, but the first few days are horrid! It's as if my body has put all of it's focus into hemorrhaging that it forgets to send other signals to my brain. For example, I am given a two second warning before I have to poop. By the time the message hits my brain, my bowels have already began to release the waste. I am not kidding.

Earlier today, I was at BFB's house when I suddenly ran THROUGH the house to get to the bathroom. (shoving kids out of my way!) And let me tell you, it was not a second too soon!!

Then just tonight, while writing this post...and IMing BFB and JM, I suddenly jumped up and hauled ass through the house! My husband was in the livingroom when I flew past him, he asked what was going on, and I didn't stop...just yelled behind me, "I'm gonna shit my pants!!"

Looking back on the whole thing, I realize two things. One, I was at the computer both times. And two (including my McDonald's story), I was on the rag. Oh well, I guess we all have issues to deal with. Mine just happens to be shit.