This is ME at 30

1. Cream is my favorite color, especially that cream with a hint of sparkles...it's just gorgeous. In fact my heaven isn't white- it's cream. It's cream and it's beautiful.
2. I like road trips. I wear only pj's and flip flops, sunglasses and no bra. I think it's funny to "get dressed" when you're just going to be sitting in a car for 12 hours!
3. I truly hate to fly. It's become so annoying to me these past few years. Doesn't matter if I'm flying alone or with my family, I still feel claustrophobic and anxious (not about crashing or terrorism, just the fact that I am forced to be stuck in one spot for a certain number of hours and can't change my mind).
4. I don't drive in the rain. Hydroplaning in college was enough to scare me for life. I don't like driving in heavy traffic either. I'm just not used to it. I don't like it.
5. After a lifetime of daydreaming about "the beach", I've learned that I don't really like anything about the beach (other than the idea of course). The salt water tastes bad and dries out my skin and all the sand...ugh!
6. I miss my grandparents. Picking peas in their garden or riding my grandpa's 10 speed around the circle drive and chasing the many kittens that kept repopulating every spring.
7. I don't think I'm as afraid of death as I used to be...now I'm just more afraid of leaving my children without a mother.
8. I love my calling in church. I teach Sunday School and it forces me to learn more about the scriptures. Teaching makes me happy.
9. I sing a lullaby to my kids every night before they go to sleep. I wrote it for my first when I was pregnant with my last. I wanted her to have some tangible memory of childhood, something that only mommy could give her. And now it's become mommy's lullaby for all three of them. I cherish those moments.
10. Napping is one of my favorite past times. I love to crawl under my covers and snuggle down in my bed, knowing that I get to do something just.for.me.
11. I still don't fall asleep well at night. I bet I was born a night owl (and I'll die a night owl). It's just in my blood, not my fault.
12. My parents are amazing. Every day I realize what a huge responsibility it was to raise me and I'm in awe of all the little things they did to do it so well.
13. I want to be like my mom-- she's my best friend. I can't explain that bond. It just IS and I could never live without her. EVER.
14. I want to be like my dad when I grow up too-- he's my Yoda. His advice is always exactly what I need to hear (which is usually the same thing I already know but need him to be the one to say it). Every major upset in my life has ALWAYS been calmed by my daddy. I'm his little lovergirl.
15. I love to take pictures. I'm not good at "photography" but I really love to record our life in pictures.
16. I never write in my journal anymore. It was my thing all throughout high school and college, but I've just outgrown the "why me? I need to write it all out before I can sort through any of it" phase of my life. I have no desire to go back.
17. I don't enjoy going to the movies anymore. It makes me feel as though I'm being transported out of this life for a couple hours and then being slammed back into reality when it's over. It causes me to ponder my own mortality way too much.
18. I don't watch t.v. very often anymore, but that tends to fluctuate depending on the season. It just isn't a "must" for me as it has been in the past.
19. I love getting new makeup and a new haircut. It's such fun to constantly reinvent myself; I do it as often as I can.
20. I love pajamas. Good pajamas, comfy pajamas.
21. I don't like to wear shoes when I drive. I love shoes but I don't like wearing shoes, it's all just for show. Shoes are an accessory, like jewelry and unless there's anyone else you need to impress, ya just don't wear it. Except my wedding ring, of course. I NEVER take it off. I love my ring. It is perfect for me and I NEVER want anything different.
22. Kittens and puppies are the sweetest things in the world...just like babies (I only wish they could stay that little forever).
23. I love the smell of rain and fresh cut grass.
24. I love the feel of humidity early in the morning. (I miss Louisiana.)
25. I'm addicted to my cell phone. It's my lifeline, my camera, my planner, my little black book, my companion-- I feel lost and naked without it.
26. I love my daughter's American Girl doll. I encourage her way too much but it's like being a child again. The excitement of a new doll--and not just any doll. A special doll!
27. I'm not good at keeping the house clean. I'm not good at keeping my life or my mess organized. Clutter continues to rule around here but I'm a perfectionist about my projects. Go figure.
28. I can't sing. I can't dance. But I love to do both when I'm alone or when I'm with my kids. I can pretend I'm a rock star when they are around!
29. I still have my passion for medicine, though it has been muted for the past several years. I'll get back to it one day. I no longer fear that all is lost.
30. I can sleep. I can dream. I can laugh and I can cry. I can get angry. I can get depressed. I can scream. I can pray. I can lock myself in my room. I can be happy. I can be grateful. And I can appreciate my beautiful life.
    
    
    I don't know what time I was born. For some reason it DOES make a difference. I know that I'm now less than 24 hours away from no longer being 29 and I'm scared. I wasn't anxious about this until now. Right now. I'm not afraid of getting older...I'm only afraid of no longer being in my twenties. What now? It's the monster at the end of the book. I know it's just me (and that it's not really "the end") but I still don't want to leave 29 and I'm still scared.

"Tough shit and happy birthday!" (awe...I love you N8! Thanks for making me laugh when all I thought I could do was cry.) You are the best at knowing just how to make me smile. XXOO